Life Entrepreneurs Know It Is Never Too Late to Change

As I am in my early 60s, it makes sense that I would see clients at least up to my age and sometimes a little older.  I am very inspired when someone who is well-seasoned in life comes to see me to make a major shift in how he/she sees things and manages his/her life.

I watch my mother at 86 change sometimes daily.  She has one of those indomitable spirits--I'm sure this is where I got, if not the phrase, at least the meaning of something I say quite often, "I will not be daunted!"  My mom is so willing to look at things in new ways, take in new ideas, be flexible.  And she is also really good at knowing what does and doesn't work for her--and once she sees that, she sticks to it!  An admirable quality.

One of the great things about working with a range of ages of clients is that I can share knowledge with a woman in her 30s to help her see what may lie ahead if she doesn't change how she is seeing herself today.  This particular period is giving me many opportunities to look at authenticity--how we see ourselves, how closely we are willing or not to listen to our inner voices and act from there.  How much we all can fall into patterns of pleasing others, protecting others, trying to stay safe by altering our own words and behavior to gain that safety.

I'm here to tell you:  It just doesn't work.  It is a false sense of safety to accommodate others in order to protect ourselves.  That doesn't mean walking around with entitlement and arrogance and a "me-first, me-only" attitude.  It means suppressing that inner voice, spirit, that is telling us what works and what doesn't work.  It means feeling warning signals in our bodies and ignoring them.  It means holding back and committing the "sin" of omission--not saying what we really think or feel so we don't "lose" business, or "lose" favor, or "lose" a loved one.

Studying with John Demartini for the last 12 years has given me a great deal of awareness, and one of the most important understandings that is now unshakable in me:  there is NEVER a loss without a gain.  Not possible.  Can't happen. 

So when I hold back and don't speak my truth to avoid a "loss" then I am simply ignoring the truth that the sense of loss would simultaneously have its corresponding gain.  When John says "Love is the synthesis and synchronicity of complementary opposites," that is what he means.  If by speaking my truth in a meeting, I lose the support of a person in the room--I absolutely know that I immediately gain the support of someone else (whether they are actually in the room, or somewhere in my energy field).

I am also convinced of something else:  right decisions bring abundance.  The more I live from the inside out, from my own authenticity, I see the expression of that in an awareness and experience of greater abundance in my life.  Not just financial, but also in the abundance of shared love, warmth, opportunities, ideas, ways to engage in life fully that might have been there all along, but I couldn't see them.

This is because acting from a place of protection--trying to act in a way that keeps me safe--puts others and their ideas ahead of me and what I truly would love in my life.  I am acting from what I want from others, not from what I recognize and love within myself.  Here is another truth I am convinced of:  when I want something from someone, I can't see who they really are!  I can only see whether they do or don't give me what I want.  (I may have to write another whole piece on that one.)

So--what is it never too late to change?  Our ability to go inside and really listen, really pay attention to our inner voice, our truth, that inspired place that knows what to do.  It doesn't matter if you are 8 or 80, going there brings its just reward.

Life Entrepreneurs Ask for and Get Help--the top 10 reasons women benefit from business coaching

I just read an article from the Wall Street Journal with this headline:  Coaching Urged for Women Inadequate Career Development Holds Back Female Executives, McKinsey Says

I have determined that any woman in the business world would benefit from some form of coaching.  In over twenty-six years of working with mostly women, I have found there are key reasons why seeking outside help is so beneficial.  Here are the main ones: 

10.   Many businesswomen are addicted to being right.

What this really means is that they are afraid they will be “wrong”--and someone will find out about it.  They second guess themselves, worry over decisions, hesitate to make decisions and rely on too much feedback from others.  How does coaching help?  It allows you to get an objective view of situations, and have a sounding board that is totally removed from your daily routine.  By broadening your perspective, you begin to see that there are many “rights” and no one way is foolproof—there are pluses and minuses for every situation.  A coach helps you learn how to trust your intuition and experience--work from the inside out instead of the outside in.  When you operate from there, you can be decisive and even feel comfortable changing your mind! 

9.   Women tend to over rely on their feelings and underutilize their knowledge.

Although being able to get in touch with their feelings is a great asset that women bring to the workplace, too much emotion can get in the way of seeing situations clearly.  A conscious balance between knowledge/experience and feelings works best.  A coach asks provocative questions and challenges you to look at your feelings unemotionally--sort out what matters and what doesn’t. You learn what the feelings mean, why you are having them, and when it is appropriate to express them.  This kind of clarity is priceless--and allows you to be in control of your emotions instead of letting them run your life. 

8.   Many women are afraid to be seen as too hard or tough.

This is really an internal battle between the soft feminine and the driven, high achieving business approach.  The truth is they are not mutually exclusive--and can work together very well.  Coaching helps you recognize the feminine values you bring to the table as well as encourage you to use your ambition and energy wisely, to achieve the best ends.  By recognizing how you manifest these traits you can condition yourself to be conscious of your behavior, and make choices about what works and what doesn’t work in particular situations.   

7.   Women place a high value on security.

This makes it very difficult to be a risk taker--which is a requirement for success in business.  Being coached gives you the opportunity to look objectively at all sides of issues, being more thorough in seeing the pros and cons of decisions.  The risks you take are less “risky” because you are making educated choices.  Successful risk taking is a skill, which can be learned --- and the more clarity you have, the better you are able to assess the situation and be prepared to weather the outcome. 

6.    Women tend to be reactive rather than create from a visionary perspective.

Women are acculturated to put out fires and respond to myriad demands.  How else could they raise children?  Coaching helps you create visions of exactly what you want to be, do and have in your life so that you can look at situations and decide if they fit your purpose, your vision.  If they do, you work with them.  If not, you can either delegate or eliminate them.  When you are working from inner purpose and visions, you become more proactive than reactive. 

5.    Most women have difficulty setting priorities.

They have so much to do, so many responsibilities both at work and home that it is very hard to decide where to start!  So many women feel overwhelmed and frustrated--as if they will never catch up.  Coaching helps you organize your thinking, look at your life in a more total way and get comfortable shifting priorities when necessary, setting priorities according to the ones that are most important--that fit your purpose and visions, on a daily, weekly, monthly or yearly basis.  If you are concentrating on building a business, for example, you might let your social life slide for a few months and come back to it later.  But you are choosing what you are doing, not blindly falling into patterns that seem irreversible. 

4.   Women feel trapped and are unaware of how they are sabotaging themselves.

They repeat similar behavior expecting to get a different result (the definition of insanity).  An objective coach helps you recognize the habits of thinking, acting and speaking that keep you caught in untenable situations.  By changing the words you use, you change your experience.  Habits don’t just disappear.  It takes a great deal of self-discipline to stop thinking of your self as a victim, or someone who never quite reaches her potential.  Coaching over a period of time gives you an opportunity to gradually shift the way you see yourself, get comfortable with new patterns of thinking and doing--learning to celebrate incremental successes instead of only giving yourself credit for the big ones.  This step-by-step approach is highly effective in helping you reframe your self-image into one that more closely resembles the woman you would love to be. 

3.   Women don’t tend to think strategically.

Because women are so intuitive, they tend to just know things, and operate from instinct.  That doesn’t guarantee success.  A qualified coach can help you look at where you are, where you want to go, and work with you to create a plan of action with measurable goals.  If you are clear on your purpose, your vision of what you want and approach situations strategically, you are much more likely to either succeed or figure out something even more effective as you go along.  This entails reassessing your priorities on a daily basis to make sure you are on focus.  Can you imagine a better way to approach a business situation? 

2.   Women have trouble delegating.

This is the “need to be needed” syndrome.  Men have it too, but for them it is more about control than being needed.  When one sees her value mainly in what she does for others, she is more concerned about her performance than manifesting her vision and purpose.  That is “outside-in” thinking.  The more dispensable she is, the more value she brings to an organization--because she is mentoring, challenging, supporting and inspiring people.  Coaching can help you look at what you actually do every day and figure out whether you are really the best person for those tasks.  The more you delegate, the more you free yourself up to be a leader and role model.  The more task work you hold onto, the less freedom and choices you have in your business life. 

And the number one reason women benefit from coaching is: 

1.   They are unaware of their power.

In many ways, women are still the great-untapped resource in business.  They are just beginning to take their position as leaders and catalysts in the development of the new paradigms of business that are forming.  The amazing value that women bring is starting to be recognized.  While many men are struggling to learn how to build relationships--which is the way of the future--women are already comfortable with that softer side of themselves.  Coaching is a wonderful way to learn how to integrate all the parts of your self.  It enables you to take all you have learned and experienced, put it into perspective in line with your true purpose and visions of what you want, and create your unique way of winning at your life.  The best coaching experience is one that helps you transform out of old patterns and design your own life.  When you are living your life from the inside out, you utilize and express your power in a way that makes you approachable, attractive and an obvious asset to any venture.

Life Entrepreneurs REALLY Do What they Love

I ironed my pillow cases today.  They were probably fine not ironed, I just wanted to do it.  I bought new sheets and a new spread for my bed recently and now the pillows show more, and I just wanted them to be smooth and lovely.

Seems sort of inconsequential to write about this, but it is a bigger subject than pillowcases.  I am living the life of a homemaker, and the person I am lovingly, contentedly making a home for is....MYSELF!

When I had the "big crisis" a couple of years ago and changed my life drastically, I changed how I live on a daily basis.  I've written before about re-learning to do my own laundry, having my housekeeper only come one half day every other week, taking care of the things I used to delegate to others.  I raised the question then, would I keep doing all these things if I didn't feel it financially necessary?

And I absolutely know the answer for me today:  YES!  I LOVE doing my laundry.  I LOVE changing the sheets and making sure I like how my bed looks.  I LOVE feeling grounded and rooted and home.

I love taking time to read a book in one day.  I love being available when a friend calls--whether for a serious talk, dinner, a movie, or a short visit.  I love being available when a client wants an appointment.  I love being the "person" for my mom, making sure she has whatever she wants or needs from the store, gets to her doctor appointments, feels loved and cared for.

I love doing volunteer work and using my energy locally--contributing to my community and participating in all sorts of ventures that encourage education and cultural awareness.  I love hanging out with really smart people who are also looking for ways to use the skills they've developed over the years to help grow and shape the future of our city.

I love having a panel of experts around me that I can call on for whatever issue I need help with:  doctors, lawyers, other business people who know all sorts of things that I have yet to learn about.

This is the best of life so far--and what I'm mostly grateful for is that I know it.  I'm consciously living it.  I appreciate my life and the people around me more than my words could ever convey.

As my dear Granny who grew up in Russia used to say, "Tanks goodness."

Life Entrepreneurs Live their Dreams

I had drinks with Charlie Rose last night.  I didn't even remember it until I was on the floor doing my Pilates while last night's taping of his nightly interview show was playing and I looked up and saw his face and it was exactly the same expression I saw in my dream.

I don't know exactly what my attraction to him is, but I tape his shows every week night and many times go to sleep watching them.  And when I wake up at 5:30 am and don't want to stay awake, I find one of his shows with men talking and it lulls me back to sleep.

Charlie is a comfort to me.  He is also inspiring to me.  He does such extensive research, is so apparently knowledgeable about the topics his guests talk about, that I am in awe of the time and energy it takes for him and his producers to gather all that information and be that prepared.  It makes the experience of watching him work as entertaining as any celebrity, politician, author,business mogul--whatever--he could be interviewing.

I just love this guy!  And one of my dreams has been to someday, somehow write something, be someone or do something that would mean he would want to interview me on his show.  I've often wondered if it is about ego--getting to be on his show.  But then I realize I don't actually care much if anyone else were to want to interview me.  Well, it might be nice, but it doesn't have a big meaning to me one way or another.

But Charlie Rose!  Him, I want to sit and talk with.  For the hour, as he says when he has a guest take up two to three segments of interview time.  So it really is about him, who he is, how he got the way he is--in fact I think the real deal is that I would love to interview him!

So this morning, when I saw him talking with two writing professors who had written books about how to write well, I saw his face listening and responding so intently--I realized I had dreamed that about him and me!  We were in some sort of cafe or bistro.  We had drunk something,  coffee, something.  And we talked.  We had a very interesting conversation, and the other two people who were with us left and we kept talking.  In the dream I reminded him of how energetic and interesting he had been when I first saw him on TV back in the 70s when he did a people oriented interview show in the Dallas area. 

I have thought many times that I would love to tell him how much I've enjoyed seeing him evolve and listen more and talk less, his openness with his guests is energetic more than with words now.  Maybe having major heart surgery a few years back affected him.  We didn't get that far in our conversation in my dream, so maybe next time.  Maybe I'll dream about him again.

Delicious!