Last week I stood next to a very dear friend whose brother had died suddenly, and unexpectedly, at the young age of 64. In a few weeks I'll be 64. Really made me think about a lot of things....
First, how important it is to simply be there when our friends need us. There is nothing for us to particularly do, just showing up is what really matters.
Second, how important it is to keep living fully, here and now, and make sure that the people we care about know that we love them, and that they matter to us.
She told me they had spent time with him in the hospital when they thought he was simply under observation and would be going home soon. Their whole family had gathered and sat around his bed talking and laughing with him. The next day, for some reason, his heart stopped and he couldn't be revived. She felt so grateful that she and her family had been with him, enjoyed him for what became the last time.
At this moment, our world is racked with fear. The stock market is spiking and falling every other day. People are uncertain about their futures. We don't know whom to rely on, whom to trust.
My only recourse is to trust myself, how I feel when I am with people. How I feel when I have something to choose or decide on. It seems that is my best gauge for continuing to move forward in the midst of such turmoil.
I watch Charlie Rose to see what the "experts" say about our economy, and they don't seem any more certain than I do. None of us knows where this will all lead.
So I'm going to just keep loving--my life, my friends, my challenges and opportunities. I'm going to be there for the people that need me. I'm going to make sure I let people know how important they are to me. I am going to keep trusting that there is an order hidden within all this seeming chaos, because, thank goodness, I've seen many ups and downs in my 60-odd years of living, and we all seem to keep muddling through it somehow.
It just seems more doable when we all hold hands and keep going together.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Life Entrepreneurs Manage Stress by Looking Forward
My friend Maddie might be the youngest Life Entrepreneur I have written about. She's 3 1/2 years old, and quite busily carving out the life she wants to live. Almost every Sunday she goes swimming with my friend Lida, her grandmother, who is very committed to making sure she swims well enough to stay safe in the pool.
After they swim each week, Grandma gives Maddie a quarter to buy a Popsicle treat, but a couple of weeks ago, Grandma looked in her bag and realized she had no money, no quarter, nothing. She explained to Maddie that this week, there would be no Popsicle.
Maddie looked at the concession stand, and fervently exclaimed that THEY had quarters, and THEY had Popsicles over THERE! And they just needed to go over there and get them! Grandma explained that it didn't work that way, and when they had no money, they couldn't get a treat.
Now, I very much remember how it feels to be 3 1/2 years old and want something SO BAD, because to tell the truth, when I want something badly today, I feel myself reverting to that same emotion. When I found out I lost a large sum of money, my first reaction was NO! It can't be true!!!! And I cried. How different is that from what Maddie did? Not much.
Maddie cried, and pleaded with her grandma to find a way to get her a Popsicle.
Lida, who has the same gift that many of us grandmothers have, a sense of unconditional love and inner peace when we are around our grandchildren [unlike when we were primary parents and had emotional attachments to their behavior] calmly explained, over and over, that wasn't going to happen this week. When Maddie got quiet, Lida reminded her that they had raspberries at home, waiting for them to eat. She told her she could wash them and eat as many as she wanted when they got back to the house.
Maddie, looked up and exclaimed, "we get to eat raspberries!" and proceeded to inform each person they passed on the way to the car of that wonderful fact. And she was fine.
And she carefully stood on her stool in Grandma's kitchen, washed all the berries and put them in a bowl, sat at the counter and enjoyed them, smiling.
I love this story because it reminds me how it turns on a dime. One moment we can be in the depths of despair and the next, when we find something to look forward to, our life seems to change and we feel hopeful.
I've been writing this blog in my mind for a few weeks, and finally got the first bit down then left it in draft form for a few days. This morning I got a Skype call from one of my dearest friends in France who said he wanted to come visit next month. Before that call, I was wallowing around in a sort of malaise of feeling lonely--not in despair, just realizing that's how I feel at this moment in my life.
And now I have something really wonderful to look forward to--a visit! Some fun adventures! A dear friend to spend time with!
My heart feels lighter, I have more energy, and I'm more inspired to go do my Pilates and get on with my day. What a difference it makes to have something to look forward to!!
Love that!
Maddie cried, and pleaded with her grandma to find a way to get her a Popsicle.
Lida, who has the same gift that many of us grandmothers have, a sense of unconditional love and inner peace when we are around our grandchildren [unlike when we were primary parents and had emotional attachments to their behavior] calmly explained, over and over, that wasn't going to happen this week. When Maddie got quiet, Lida reminded her that they had raspberries at home, waiting for them to eat. She told her she could wash them and eat as many as she wanted when they got back to the house.
Maddie, looked up and exclaimed, "we get to eat raspberries!" and proceeded to inform each person they passed on the way to the car of that wonderful fact. And she was fine.
And she carefully stood on her stool in Grandma's kitchen, washed all the berries and put them in a bowl, sat at the counter and enjoyed them, smiling.
I love this story because it reminds me how it turns on a dime. One moment we can be in the depths of despair and the next, when we find something to look forward to, our life seems to change and we feel hopeful.
I've been writing this blog in my mind for a few weeks, and finally got the first bit down then left it in draft form for a few days. This morning I got a Skype call from one of my dearest friends in France who said he wanted to come visit next month. Before that call, I was wallowing around in a sort of malaise of feeling lonely--not in despair, just realizing that's how I feel at this moment in my life.
And now I have something really wonderful to look forward to--a visit! Some fun adventures! A dear friend to spend time with!
My heart feels lighter, I have more energy, and I'm more inspired to go do my Pilates and get on with my day. What a difference it makes to have something to look forward to!!
Love that!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Life Entrepreneurs Live the Legend They Will Leave Behind [they show up as who they truly are]
My son Noah calls me every day as he leaves work to sort of download the day, get things off his chest, tell me about work problems, talk things over. The salient part of that experience for me is to see how important it is to him that he does a good job. He really cares about that. To him, his job is more than just work, it is a vital part of his very existence and to not do it well is anathema to him!
Where did that come from? He has often been asked why he understands so much about management, since he is a chef--and some of them are much more cooking oriented than management oriented. He tells them that he grew up watching his mom run a business, watching his dad work really hard as a salesman, watching his grandparents work really hard running a highly respected medical practice.
Noah grew up around people who loved to work! And he does too.
When he was growing up, he didn't like it so much that we were "always working" because often he wanted attention that he didn't get. I can remember so many times I had to tell him to wait until I got off the phone to talk to me. I wasn't a completely horrible mother--I went to every baseball, soccer and basketball game that I possibly could attend. I carried a folding chair in my trunk so I could go to a game at the drop of a hat.
But there were many things I didn't do because I was working, and I know he didn't like it. But he learned to live with it and became a very independent guy. One of the reasons he became a chef is because he figured out there were some things (like sauteed chicken) that he could prepare much better than I could! He started cooking with me when he was 2 and by the time he was 8 or 9 he was really good in the kitchen.
Now he is proud of his background--with perspective, he sees the value of all that work and how it influenced him. And I have a feeling that his son Ethan will have a similar experience. As long as Noah is the Executive Chef of a very busy, popular restaurant, he will work most Saturdays and Sundays--Ethan won't have his dad at every sporting event. Ethan will probably resent that for a period of time, until it comes time to go to work himself, then I can imagine that Ethan will have a similar work ethic as his father.
So the Legend will live on, and be passed on from generation to generation. My dad's father came to America from Russia around 1907 and first drove a wagon peddling clothes around the countryside. Then he ran clothing stores with his brothers. My dad worked in the stores, and learned how important it was to write up a proper sales slip. Later, he was one of the few doctors whose instructions could be easily read on a chart or a prescription.
Work ethic. Is it dying out? Or is it alive and well? I believe both. Those who didn't have Living Legends to learn from, model themselves after, will either have to learn it on the job or miss out on the fun of a job well done.
As for my little family tree, I bet it will remain alive and well for many generations to come.
Hooray!
Where did that come from? He has often been asked why he understands so much about management, since he is a chef--and some of them are much more cooking oriented than management oriented. He tells them that he grew up watching his mom run a business, watching his dad work really hard as a salesman, watching his grandparents work really hard running a highly respected medical practice.
Noah grew up around people who loved to work! And he does too.
When he was growing up, he didn't like it so much that we were "always working" because often he wanted attention that he didn't get. I can remember so many times I had to tell him to wait until I got off the phone to talk to me. I wasn't a completely horrible mother--I went to every baseball, soccer and basketball game that I possibly could attend. I carried a folding chair in my trunk so I could go to a game at the drop of a hat.
But there were many things I didn't do because I was working, and I know he didn't like it. But he learned to live with it and became a very independent guy. One of the reasons he became a chef is because he figured out there were some things (like sauteed chicken) that he could prepare much better than I could! He started cooking with me when he was 2 and by the time he was 8 or 9 he was really good in the kitchen.
Now he is proud of his background--with perspective, he sees the value of all that work and how it influenced him. And I have a feeling that his son Ethan will have a similar experience. As long as Noah is the Executive Chef of a very busy, popular restaurant, he will work most Saturdays and Sundays--Ethan won't have his dad at every sporting event. Ethan will probably resent that for a period of time, until it comes time to go to work himself, then I can imagine that Ethan will have a similar work ethic as his father.
So the Legend will live on, and be passed on from generation to generation. My dad's father came to America from Russia around 1907 and first drove a wagon peddling clothes around the countryside. Then he ran clothing stores with his brothers. My dad worked in the stores, and learned how important it was to write up a proper sales slip. Later, he was one of the few doctors whose instructions could be easily read on a chart or a prescription.
Work ethic. Is it dying out? Or is it alive and well? I believe both. Those who didn't have Living Legends to learn from, model themselves after, will either have to learn it on the job or miss out on the fun of a job well done.
As for my little family tree, I bet it will remain alive and well for many generations to come.
Hooray!
Monday, May 9, 2011
Life Entrepreneurs Let Themselves BE
Deciding moments come along many times in our lives, and each one gives us an opportunity to turn one way or another--which then informs and shapes our lives from that moment on. It fascinates me to see people on TV in what are called Reality Shows. I think part of the public's addiction to those is it gives us a window to observe how people deal with those moments--and the consequences they bring.
Last night I watched a woman who had come across as a fighter, a resilient contender just give up and walk away when she could have turned around and shown us another part of herself. Maybe she had more going on in her life than we could see--and maybe she really is a "Quitter" as she was called on the show. I know there have been times in my life when I did turn around and go home, and I actually haven't regretted those decisions.
Being a Life Entrepreneur means we are committed to being AWARE of those moments--not reacting but instead approaching them strategically. That requires a strong sense of self, a deep sense of our own purpose, a willingness to keep moving forward, mindful of what can be termed "the greater good."
In light of that, I've recognized that one of my challenges is to be proactive, aware and ready for whatever comes up while not striving so hard to make things happen. A friend described me as a "human doing" -- sort of the opposite of a "human being." Those of us who are Doers have a difficult time just being here. We get antsy, we look for things that need to be taken care of.
I realize I'm a "recovering Doer" which is not unlike other addictive behaviors that require effort to overcome. I'm not saying I only want to BE--because doing and being are actually part of that famous trinity: BE, DO and HAVE. The point is to not let the doing part be the most important--instead let them all three work together in harmony.
So, what does that look like? For me, it means listening more, commenting less. Observing more, making sure I take in as much information as possible before I make up a story about what is going on. Watching squirrels run around. Waiting. Being okay with not knowing things. Asking more questions. Feeling grateful--finding more and more things, people, situations to be grateful for. Appreciating the fact that I'm alive. Appreciating what it means to be alive. Loving trees, flowers, grass, weeds, rolling hills, mesas, mountains, rivers, oceans, lakes, clouds, sunshine, moonlight, dark moments, uncertainty, challenges, opportunities.
I know, those are combinations of being, doing and having--and if I let myself be comfortable about just being here and noticing all this, then I have a greater chance of living from within-out, strategic in my daily life, living purposefully, while being adaptable and flexible. Two really important people in my life are showing me the way, the path of this:
My darling grandson who is 2 and my beautiful mother who is 86. They both seem to wake up each day just glad to be here. My grandson doesn't have enough history to compare his life with anything else, so he just lives it. My mother has seen so much of life that she has whittled it down to what is really important to her and she lets the rest go.
So they show up as delightful, engaged people who have very little to worry about, more interested in the right now of life--not what was or could be. Thank goodness I have them to learn from. And truly, they are the MOST fun people to be around!
Love that.
Last night I watched a woman who had come across as a fighter, a resilient contender just give up and walk away when she could have turned around and shown us another part of herself. Maybe she had more going on in her life than we could see--and maybe she really is a "Quitter" as she was called on the show. I know there have been times in my life when I did turn around and go home, and I actually haven't regretted those decisions.
Being a Life Entrepreneur means we are committed to being AWARE of those moments--not reacting but instead approaching them strategically. That requires a strong sense of self, a deep sense of our own purpose, a willingness to keep moving forward, mindful of what can be termed "the greater good."
In light of that, I've recognized that one of my challenges is to be proactive, aware and ready for whatever comes up while not striving so hard to make things happen. A friend described me as a "human doing" -- sort of the opposite of a "human being." Those of us who are Doers have a difficult time just being here. We get antsy, we look for things that need to be taken care of.
I realize I'm a "recovering Doer" which is not unlike other addictive behaviors that require effort to overcome. I'm not saying I only want to BE--because doing and being are actually part of that famous trinity: BE, DO and HAVE. The point is to not let the doing part be the most important--instead let them all three work together in harmony.
So, what does that look like? For me, it means listening more, commenting less. Observing more, making sure I take in as much information as possible before I make up a story about what is going on. Watching squirrels run around. Waiting. Being okay with not knowing things. Asking more questions. Feeling grateful--finding more and more things, people, situations to be grateful for. Appreciating the fact that I'm alive. Appreciating what it means to be alive. Loving trees, flowers, grass, weeds, rolling hills, mesas, mountains, rivers, oceans, lakes, clouds, sunshine, moonlight, dark moments, uncertainty, challenges, opportunities.
I know, those are combinations of being, doing and having--and if I let myself be comfortable about just being here and noticing all this, then I have a greater chance of living from within-out, strategic in my daily life, living purposefully, while being adaptable and flexible. Two really important people in my life are showing me the way, the path of this:
My darling grandson who is 2 and my beautiful mother who is 86. They both seem to wake up each day just glad to be here. My grandson doesn't have enough history to compare his life with anything else, so he just lives it. My mother has seen so much of life that she has whittled it down to what is really important to her and she lets the rest go.
So they show up as delightful, engaged people who have very little to worry about, more interested in the right now of life--not what was or could be. Thank goodness I have them to learn from. And truly, they are the MOST fun people to be around!
Love that.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Life Entrepreneurs Know It Is Never Too Late to Change
As I am in my early 60s, it makes sense that I would see clients at least up to my age and sometimes a little older. I am very inspired when someone who is well-seasoned in life comes to see me to make a major shift in how he/she sees things and manages his/her life.
I watch my mother at 86 change sometimes daily. She has one of those indomitable spirits--I'm sure this is where I got, if not the phrase, at least the meaning of something I say quite often, "I will not be daunted!" My mom is so willing to look at things in new ways, take in new ideas, be flexible. And she is also really good at knowing what does and doesn't work for her--and once she sees that, she sticks to it! An admirable quality.
One of the great things about working with a range of ages of clients is that I can share knowledge with a woman in her 30s to help her see what may lie ahead if she doesn't change how she is seeing herself today. This particular period is giving me many opportunities to look at authenticity--how we see ourselves, how closely we are willing or not to listen to our inner voices and act from there. How much we all can fall into patterns of pleasing others, protecting others, trying to stay safe by altering our own words and behavior to gain that safety.
I'm here to tell you: It just doesn't work. It is a false sense of safety to accommodate others in order to protect ourselves. That doesn't mean walking around with entitlement and arrogance and a "me-first, me-only" attitude. It means suppressing that inner voice, spirit, that is telling us what works and what doesn't work. It means feeling warning signals in our bodies and ignoring them. It means holding back and committing the "sin" of omission--not saying what we really think or feel so we don't "lose" business, or "lose" favor, or "lose" a loved one.
Studying with John Demartini for the last 12 years has given me a great deal of awareness, and one of the most important understandings that is now unshakable in me: there is NEVER a loss without a gain. Not possible. Can't happen.
So when I hold back and don't speak my truth to avoid a "loss" then I am simply ignoring the truth that the sense of loss would simultaneously have its corresponding gain. When John says "Love is the synthesis and synchronicity of complementary opposites," that is what he means. If by speaking my truth in a meeting, I lose the support of a person in the room--I absolutely know that I immediately gain the support of someone else (whether they are actually in the room, or somewhere in my energy field).
I am also convinced of something else: right decisions bring abundance. The more I live from the inside out, from my own authenticity, I see the expression of that in an awareness and experience of greater abundance in my life. Not just financial, but also in the abundance of shared love, warmth, opportunities, ideas, ways to engage in life fully that might have been there all along, but I couldn't see them.
This is because acting from a place of protection--trying to act in a way that keeps me safe--puts others and their ideas ahead of me and what I truly would love in my life. I am acting from what I want from others, not from what I recognize and love within myself. Here is another truth I am convinced of: when I want something from someone, I can't see who they really are! I can only see whether they do or don't give me what I want. (I may have to write another whole piece on that one.)
So--what is it never too late to change? Our ability to go inside and really listen, really pay attention to our inner voice, our truth, that inspired place that knows what to do. It doesn't matter if you are 8 or 80, going there brings its just reward.
I watch my mother at 86 change sometimes daily. She has one of those indomitable spirits--I'm sure this is where I got, if not the phrase, at least the meaning of something I say quite often, "I will not be daunted!" My mom is so willing to look at things in new ways, take in new ideas, be flexible. And she is also really good at knowing what does and doesn't work for her--and once she sees that, she sticks to it! An admirable quality.
One of the great things about working with a range of ages of clients is that I can share knowledge with a woman in her 30s to help her see what may lie ahead if she doesn't change how she is seeing herself today. This particular period is giving me many opportunities to look at authenticity--how we see ourselves, how closely we are willing or not to listen to our inner voices and act from there. How much we all can fall into patterns of pleasing others, protecting others, trying to stay safe by altering our own words and behavior to gain that safety.
I'm here to tell you: It just doesn't work. It is a false sense of safety to accommodate others in order to protect ourselves. That doesn't mean walking around with entitlement and arrogance and a "me-first, me-only" attitude. It means suppressing that inner voice, spirit, that is telling us what works and what doesn't work. It means feeling warning signals in our bodies and ignoring them. It means holding back and committing the "sin" of omission--not saying what we really think or feel so we don't "lose" business, or "lose" favor, or "lose" a loved one.
Studying with John Demartini for the last 12 years has given me a great deal of awareness, and one of the most important understandings that is now unshakable in me: there is NEVER a loss without a gain. Not possible. Can't happen.
So when I hold back and don't speak my truth to avoid a "loss" then I am simply ignoring the truth that the sense of loss would simultaneously have its corresponding gain. When John says "Love is the synthesis and synchronicity of complementary opposites," that is what he means. If by speaking my truth in a meeting, I lose the support of a person in the room--I absolutely know that I immediately gain the support of someone else (whether they are actually in the room, or somewhere in my energy field).
I am also convinced of something else: right decisions bring abundance. The more I live from the inside out, from my own authenticity, I see the expression of that in an awareness and experience of greater abundance in my life. Not just financial, but also in the abundance of shared love, warmth, opportunities, ideas, ways to engage in life fully that might have been there all along, but I couldn't see them.
This is because acting from a place of protection--trying to act in a way that keeps me safe--puts others and their ideas ahead of me and what I truly would love in my life. I am acting from what I want from others, not from what I recognize and love within myself. Here is another truth I am convinced of: when I want something from someone, I can't see who they really are! I can only see whether they do or don't give me what I want. (I may have to write another whole piece on that one.)
So--what is it never too late to change? Our ability to go inside and really listen, really pay attention to our inner voice, our truth, that inspired place that knows what to do. It doesn't matter if you are 8 or 80, going there brings its just reward.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Life Entrepreneurs Ask for and Get Help--the top 10 reasons women benefit from business coaching
I just read an article from the Wall Street Journal with this headline: Coaching Urged for Women Inadequate Career Development Holds Back Female Executives, McKinsey Says
I have determined that any woman in the business world would benefit from some form of coaching. In over twenty-six years of working with mostly women, I have found there are key reasons why seeking outside help is so beneficial. Here are the main ones:
10. Many businesswomen are addicted to being right.
What this really means is that they are afraid they will be “wrong”--and someone will find out about it. They second guess themselves, worry over decisions, hesitate to make decisions and rely on too much feedback from others. How does coaching help? It allows you to get an objective view of situations, and have a sounding board that is totally removed from your daily routine. By broadening your perspective, you begin to see that there are many “rights” and no one way is foolproof—there are pluses and minuses for every situation. A coach helps you learn how to trust your intuition and experience--work from the inside out instead of the outside in. When you operate from there, you can be decisive and even feel comfortable changing your mind!
9. Women tend to over rely on their feelings and underutilize their knowledge.
Although being able to get in touch with their feelings is a great asset that women bring to the workplace, too much emotion can get in the way of seeing situations clearly. A conscious balance between knowledge/experience and feelings works best. A coach asks provocative questions and challenges you to look at your feelings unemotionally--sort out what matters and what doesn’t. You learn what the feelings mean, why you are having them, and when it is appropriate to express them. This kind of clarity is priceless--and allows you to be in control of your emotions instead of letting them run your life.
8. Many women are afraid to be seen as too hard or tough.
This is really an internal battle between the soft feminine and the driven, high achieving business approach. The truth is they are not mutually exclusive--and can work together very well. Coaching helps you recognize the feminine values you bring to the table as well as encourage you to use your ambition and energy wisely, to achieve the best ends. By recognizing how you manifest these traits you can condition yourself to be conscious of your behavior, and make choices about what works and what doesn’t work in particular situations.
7. Women place a high value on security.
This makes it very difficult to be a risk taker--which is a requirement for success in business. Being coached gives you the opportunity to look objectively at all sides of issues, being more thorough in seeing the pros and cons of decisions. The risks you take are less “risky” because you are making educated choices. Successful risk taking is a skill, which can be learned --- and the more clarity you have, the better you are able to assess the situation and be prepared to weather the outcome.
6. Women tend to be reactive rather than create from a visionary perspective.
Women are acculturated to put out fires and respond to myriad demands. How else could they raise children? Coaching helps you create visions of exactly what you want to be, do and have in your life so that you can look at situations and decide if they fit your purpose, your vision. If they do, you work with them. If not, you can either delegate or eliminate them. When you are working from inner purpose and visions, you become more proactive than reactive.
5. Most women have difficulty setting priorities.
They have so much to do, so many responsibilities both at work and home that it is very hard to decide where to start! So many women feel overwhelmed and frustrated--as if they will never catch up. Coaching helps you organize your thinking, look at your life in a more total way and get comfortable shifting priorities when necessary, setting priorities according to the ones that are most important--that fit your purpose and visions, on a daily, weekly, monthly or yearly basis. If you are concentrating on building a business, for example, you might let your social life slide for a few months and come back to it later. But you are choosing what you are doing, not blindly falling into patterns that seem irreversible.
4. Women feel trapped and are unaware of how they are sabotaging themselves.
They repeat similar behavior expecting to get a different result (the definition of insanity). An objective coach helps you recognize the habits of thinking, acting and speaking that keep you caught in untenable situations. By changing the words you use, you change your experience. Habits don’t just disappear. It takes a great deal of self-discipline to stop thinking of your self as a victim, or someone who never quite reaches her potential. Coaching over a period of time gives you an opportunity to gradually shift the way you see yourself, get comfortable with new patterns of thinking and doing--learning to celebrate incremental successes instead of only giving yourself credit for the big ones. This step-by-step approach is highly effective in helping you reframe your self-image into one that more closely resembles the woman you would love to be.
3. Women don’t tend to think strategically.
Because women are so intuitive, they tend to just know things, and operate from instinct. That doesn’t guarantee success. A qualified coach can help you look at where you are, where you want to go, and work with you to create a plan of action with measurable goals. If you are clear on your purpose, your vision of what you want and approach situations strategically, you are much more likely to either succeed or figure out something even more effective as you go along. This entails reassessing your priorities on a daily basis to make sure you are on focus. Can you imagine a better way to approach a business situation?
2. Women have trouble delegating.
This is the “need to be needed” syndrome. Men have it too, but for them it is more about control than being needed. When one sees her value mainly in what she does for others, she is more concerned about her performance than manifesting her vision and purpose. That is “outside-in” thinking. The more dispensable she is, the more value she brings to an organization--because she is mentoring, challenging, supporting and inspiring people. Coaching can help you look at what you actually do every day and figure out whether you are really the best person for those tasks. The more you delegate, the more you free yourself up to be a leader and role model. The more task work you hold onto, the less freedom and choices you have in your business life.
And the number one reason women benefit from coaching is:
1. They are unaware of their power.
In many ways, women are still the great-untapped resource in business. They are just beginning to take their position as leaders and catalysts in the development of the new paradigms of business that are forming. The amazing value that women bring is starting to be recognized. While many men are struggling to learn how to build relationships--which is the way of the future--women are already comfortable with that softer side of themselves. Coaching is a wonderful way to learn how to integrate all the parts of your self. It enables you to take all you have learned and experienced, put it into perspective in line with your true purpose and visions of what you want, and create your unique way of winning at your life. The best coaching experience is one that helps you transform out of old patterns and design your own life. When you are living your life from the inside out, you utilize and express your power in a way that makes you approachable, attractive and an obvious asset to any venture.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Life Entrepreneurs REALLY Do What they Love
I ironed my pillow cases today. They were probably fine not ironed, I just wanted to do it. I bought new sheets and a new spread for my bed recently and now the pillows show more, and I just wanted them to be smooth and lovely.
Seems sort of inconsequential to write about this, but it is a bigger subject than pillowcases. I am living the life of a homemaker, and the person I am lovingly, contentedly making a home for is....MYSELF!
When I had the "big crisis" a couple of years ago and changed my life drastically, I changed how I live on a daily basis. I've written before about re-learning to do my own laundry, having my housekeeper only come one half day every other week, taking care of the things I used to delegate to others. I raised the question then, would I keep doing all these things if I didn't feel it financially necessary?
And I absolutely know the answer for me today: YES! I LOVE doing my laundry. I LOVE changing the sheets and making sure I like how my bed looks. I LOVE feeling grounded and rooted and home.
I love taking time to read a book in one day. I love being available when a friend calls--whether for a serious talk, dinner, a movie, or a short visit. I love being available when a client wants an appointment. I love being the "person" for my mom, making sure she has whatever she wants or needs from the store, gets to her doctor appointments, feels loved and cared for.
I love doing volunteer work and using my energy locally--contributing to my community and participating in all sorts of ventures that encourage education and cultural awareness. I love hanging out with really smart people who are also looking for ways to use the skills they've developed over the years to help grow and shape the future of our city.
I love having a panel of experts around me that I can call on for whatever issue I need help with: doctors, lawyers, other business people who know all sorts of things that I have yet to learn about.
This is the best of life so far--and what I'm mostly grateful for is that I know it. I'm consciously living it. I appreciate my life and the people around me more than my words could ever convey.
As my dear Granny who grew up in Russia used to say, "Tanks goodness."
Seems sort of inconsequential to write about this, but it is a bigger subject than pillowcases. I am living the life of a homemaker, and the person I am lovingly, contentedly making a home for is....MYSELF!
When I had the "big crisis" a couple of years ago and changed my life drastically, I changed how I live on a daily basis. I've written before about re-learning to do my own laundry, having my housekeeper only come one half day every other week, taking care of the things I used to delegate to others. I raised the question then, would I keep doing all these things if I didn't feel it financially necessary?
And I absolutely know the answer for me today: YES! I LOVE doing my laundry. I LOVE changing the sheets and making sure I like how my bed looks. I LOVE feeling grounded and rooted and home.
I love taking time to read a book in one day. I love being available when a friend calls--whether for a serious talk, dinner, a movie, or a short visit. I love being available when a client wants an appointment. I love being the "person" for my mom, making sure she has whatever she wants or needs from the store, gets to her doctor appointments, feels loved and cared for.
I love doing volunteer work and using my energy locally--contributing to my community and participating in all sorts of ventures that encourage education and cultural awareness. I love hanging out with really smart people who are also looking for ways to use the skills they've developed over the years to help grow and shape the future of our city.
I love having a panel of experts around me that I can call on for whatever issue I need help with: doctors, lawyers, other business people who know all sorts of things that I have yet to learn about.
This is the best of life so far--and what I'm mostly grateful for is that I know it. I'm consciously living it. I appreciate my life and the people around me more than my words could ever convey.
As my dear Granny who grew up in Russia used to say, "Tanks goodness."
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Life Entrepreneurs Live their Dreams
I had drinks with Charlie Rose last night. I didn't even remember it until I was on the floor doing my Pilates while last night's taping of his nightly interview show was playing and I looked up and saw his face and it was exactly the same expression I saw in my dream.
I don't know exactly what my attraction to him is, but I tape his shows every week night and many times go to sleep watching them. And when I wake up at 5:30 am and don't want to stay awake, I find one of his shows with men talking and it lulls me back to sleep.
Charlie is a comfort to me. He is also inspiring to me. He does such extensive research, is so apparently knowledgeable about the topics his guests talk about, that I am in awe of the time and energy it takes for him and his producers to gather all that information and be that prepared. It makes the experience of watching him work as entertaining as any celebrity, politician, author,business mogul--whatever--he could be interviewing.
I just love this guy! And one of my dreams has been to someday, somehow write something, be someone or do something that would mean he would want to interview me on his show. I've often wondered if it is about ego--getting to be on his show. But then I realize I don't actually care much if anyone else were to want to interview me. Well, it might be nice, but it doesn't have a big meaning to me one way or another.
But Charlie Rose! Him, I want to sit and talk with. For the hour, as he says when he has a guest take up two to three segments of interview time. So it really is about him, who he is, how he got the way he is--in fact I think the real deal is that I would love to interview him!
So this morning, when I saw him talking with two writing professors who had written books about how to write well, I saw his face listening and responding so intently--I realized I had dreamed that about him and me! We were in some sort of cafe or bistro. We had drunk something, coffee, something. And we talked. We had a very interesting conversation, and the other two people who were with us left and we kept talking. In the dream I reminded him of how energetic and interesting he had been when I first saw him on TV back in the 70s when he did a people oriented interview show in the Dallas area.
I have thought many times that I would love to tell him how much I've enjoyed seeing him evolve and listen more and talk less, his openness with his guests is energetic more than with words now. Maybe having major heart surgery a few years back affected him. We didn't get that far in our conversation in my dream, so maybe next time. Maybe I'll dream about him again.
Delicious!
I don't know exactly what my attraction to him is, but I tape his shows every week night and many times go to sleep watching them. And when I wake up at 5:30 am and don't want to stay awake, I find one of his shows with men talking and it lulls me back to sleep.
Charlie is a comfort to me. He is also inspiring to me. He does such extensive research, is so apparently knowledgeable about the topics his guests talk about, that I am in awe of the time and energy it takes for him and his producers to gather all that information and be that prepared. It makes the experience of watching him work as entertaining as any celebrity, politician, author,business mogul--whatever--he could be interviewing.
I just love this guy! And one of my dreams has been to someday, somehow write something, be someone or do something that would mean he would want to interview me on his show. I've often wondered if it is about ego--getting to be on his show. But then I realize I don't actually care much if anyone else were to want to interview me. Well, it might be nice, but it doesn't have a big meaning to me one way or another.
But Charlie Rose! Him, I want to sit and talk with. For the hour, as he says when he has a guest take up two to three segments of interview time. So it really is about him, who he is, how he got the way he is--in fact I think the real deal is that I would love to interview him!
So this morning, when I saw him talking with two writing professors who had written books about how to write well, I saw his face listening and responding so intently--I realized I had dreamed that about him and me! We were in some sort of cafe or bistro. We had drunk something, coffee, something. And we talked. We had a very interesting conversation, and the other two people who were with us left and we kept talking. In the dream I reminded him of how energetic and interesting he had been when I first saw him on TV back in the 70s when he did a people oriented interview show in the Dallas area.
I have thought many times that I would love to tell him how much I've enjoyed seeing him evolve and listen more and talk less, his openness with his guests is energetic more than with words now. Maybe having major heart surgery a few years back affected him. We didn't get that far in our conversation in my dream, so maybe next time. Maybe I'll dream about him again.
Delicious!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Life Entrepreneurs Ask Questions About Life and Death, Part 2
I've been thinking about dying lately. People in Japan are facing death as I write this. One woman talked about her father being employed at a nuclear power plant, and he was staying to try to minimize the damage because he already knew he wasn't going to get out of there alive.
Ten years ago, people in the towers in New York faced death with no recourse, and from all accounts, they bravely did everything they could.
And I have clients come to me so depressed, so distraught with how things are going in their lives that they wish they could just die.
I've felt that way myself. A couple of years ago, facing my worst financial disaster, part of me just wanted to die so I wouldn't have to feel so much shame and pain.
And we watch TV shows, movies, read books about death and never seem to tire of the subject.
So I asked myself this morning, am I afraid to die? How would I feel if I knew that the power plant near my home was exploding and saturating the air with radioactive particles. Would I panic? What would I do?
I have no way of actually knowing the answer to that, so I can only make up a story based on what I believe to be true. One of the things that kept me from choosing death as an option during times of great duress in the past was a little voice inside me, reminding me that even if I did die, I would wake up to another state of awareness. I can't know what that state is--we've all seen or heard about people with near death experiences seeing the light, the white light, or seeing a tunnel, or seeing some sort of vision that calms them, gives them a new sense of meaning to their current lives when they wake up.
And even though I haven't had one of those, from everything I've read, studied, been taught and experienced, I saw so clearly this morning that the reason I don't choose death, and the reason I think I would remain calm in the face of impending doom, is that I need not be afraid of something that isn't possible.
Yes, I could die from this body, and this life that I love so much. But I wouldn't die from myself. I absolutely know that.
Many years ago I heard one of my metaphysical teachers say it this way, "if life could actually die, then it would cease to be life, and that is impossible." I didn't quite believe her at the time, because I was in my twenties, I had a lot to learn and experience to be able to even comprehend a statement like that.
And now I'm 63 and I feel like it is true. I feel it--in my body, in my heart and it remains an underlying conviction that seems, at least right now, unshakable.
So what is all this pain, death and dying really about? Why do we experience it? Read about it? Flock to movies about it? Another thing I learned from a teacher is this: "any individuals, organisms or organizations not working toward a higher purpose will cease to exist."
If that is true, then this organization we call the human experience--with all its joy and sorrow, pain and pleasure, and life and "death" experiences must have a higher purpose, else why would it exist? And the only purpose I can really come to, and reach over and over, is Love.
These experiences are all teaching us how to love ourselves, each other and our lives, master the business of life and turn our lead into gold.
Our burdens, our fears, our difficulties, our challenges all hold within them the seeds of opportunity, to paraphrase Napoleon Hill. We can let them drain us and bog us down or we can face them and find the gold in them.
And so it is crystal clear to me that is why I say that to myself each morning when I wake up, reminding myself of my own life purpose. I can't imagine any other true reason for us to be here.
Ten years ago, people in the towers in New York faced death with no recourse, and from all accounts, they bravely did everything they could.
And I have clients come to me so depressed, so distraught with how things are going in their lives that they wish they could just die.
I've felt that way myself. A couple of years ago, facing my worst financial disaster, part of me just wanted to die so I wouldn't have to feel so much shame and pain.
And we watch TV shows, movies, read books about death and never seem to tire of the subject.
So I asked myself this morning, am I afraid to die? How would I feel if I knew that the power plant near my home was exploding and saturating the air with radioactive particles. Would I panic? What would I do?
I have no way of actually knowing the answer to that, so I can only make up a story based on what I believe to be true. One of the things that kept me from choosing death as an option during times of great duress in the past was a little voice inside me, reminding me that even if I did die, I would wake up to another state of awareness. I can't know what that state is--we've all seen or heard about people with near death experiences seeing the light, the white light, or seeing a tunnel, or seeing some sort of vision that calms them, gives them a new sense of meaning to their current lives when they wake up.
And even though I haven't had one of those, from everything I've read, studied, been taught and experienced, I saw so clearly this morning that the reason I don't choose death, and the reason I think I would remain calm in the face of impending doom, is that I need not be afraid of something that isn't possible.
Yes, I could die from this body, and this life that I love so much. But I wouldn't die from myself. I absolutely know that.
Many years ago I heard one of my metaphysical teachers say it this way, "if life could actually die, then it would cease to be life, and that is impossible." I didn't quite believe her at the time, because I was in my twenties, I had a lot to learn and experience to be able to even comprehend a statement like that.
And now I'm 63 and I feel like it is true. I feel it--in my body, in my heart and it remains an underlying conviction that seems, at least right now, unshakable.
So what is all this pain, death and dying really about? Why do we experience it? Read about it? Flock to movies about it? Another thing I learned from a teacher is this: "any individuals, organisms or organizations not working toward a higher purpose will cease to exist."
If that is true, then this organization we call the human experience--with all its joy and sorrow, pain and pleasure, and life and "death" experiences must have a higher purpose, else why would it exist? And the only purpose I can really come to, and reach over and over, is Love.
These experiences are all teaching us how to love ourselves, each other and our lives, master the business of life and turn our lead into gold.
Our burdens, our fears, our difficulties, our challenges all hold within them the seeds of opportunity, to paraphrase Napoleon Hill. We can let them drain us and bog us down or we can face them and find the gold in them.
And so it is crystal clear to me that is why I say that to myself each morning when I wake up, reminding myself of my own life purpose. I can't imagine any other true reason for us to be here.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Life Entrepreneurs Look Back at Past Adventures
Late last night I was winding down about to go to bed when I got a call from a friend who was channel surfing and had run across the Tucson Festival of Books on CSPAN and discovered a panel of three people from the 1960s era talking about their experiences.
The man on the panel was Mark Rudd, there to talk about My Life with SDS and the Weathermen. SDS stands for Students for a Democratic Society and Mark was famous for having led the sit-ins at Columbia University in 1968, fanning the fire of the growing student movement (which we all called The Movement).
It is so interesting to see someone you haven't see in 40 years and both recognize him and remember so much about him. I was a member of SDS back in the late 60s. For those of us who were against the war in Viet Nam, wanted to open admissions up and break the power of racism on our college campuses, it was really the only place to be!
We were bright, we were energetic, and we were influential in society. There was an upheaval of protest that swept our country. Yes, especially in the southern part of the US, in states like Texas, there weren't that many of us, but we fed on the actions of those in the north--we watched with envy the sit-ins and the demonstrations where there were actually enough people to look like a crowd.
In my little part of the world, we were controversial to say the least. During the summer of 1968 a group of 6 of us got arrested on the campus of North Texas State University (now University of North Texas) for distributing "indecent and obscene literature." We were passing out leaflets that said "the elections don't mean shit--there is very little difference between Hubert Humphrey and Richard Nixon." Oddly enough, the jury couldn't agree on convicting us, so when one person went to trial and it resulted in a hung jury, they dropped the charges and we went on our merry way.
I was what was then referred to as an itinerant agitator--which meant I traveled around to campuses in Texas and Oklahoma trying to get SDS chapters going. I have to admit, we weren't enormously successful, as the political climate around here just wasn't that conducive to uprisings of students. Most were paying little attention to Viet Nam, unless they lost their deferments and were subject to the draft; and racism was such a way of life here, that it didn't rattle many cages for us to talk about it.
Our biggest success was at the University of Houston, which at that time had a very low enrollment of black students even though it sat in the middle of a mainly black section of southeast Houston. Most of the local kids were shuffled off to Texas Southern University, which at that time was much smaller, less well endowed, and considered second rate.
We staged marches around the campus to wake up action to open up admissions to black people. We moved from building to building, and Mark Rudd flew into Houston for a day and helped me make speeches about changing the school. A LOT of people turned out--which was amazing--but it actually seemed to be a cause that mattered to even the white local students that made up the enrollment. Amid lots of cheering and chanting, we had a heady feeling that we were making a difference!
Mark went back to New York and our group continued protesting the next day, culminating in a short take-over of the Safety and Security office, where I jumped up on a desk and made a rousing speech which ended with, "now let's march to the Student Center!" Those were my "fatal words" it turned out because some wild kids ran ahead of us and decided to make a point by tearing up things and generally making a mess. Unbeknownst to me, this would later be considered a riot, and I would be accused of inciting it.
Being someone very much against any form of destruction of property, I followed these kids shouting, "stop!" but by then it had gotten out of hand, so we quickly dispersed and hoped that the activity would just die down. The next day, thinking it was all over, I decided to leave Texas and move up to New York and hang out with Mark and some other friends and see what fun I could have being involved in The Movement for real, up where the Real SDS people were.
It was so exciting to be in New York City and ride the subway--learn how to eat pizza by the slice--get temp jobs in off the wall offices to make money. I loved it! I lasted there about 3 months, but soon ended up paying the price for my speech by actually being arrested for incitement to riot. I'll have to write about that adventure another time.
Seeing Mark brought all that flooding back to me--and I had a chance to look at how much being a part of that Movement had affected my life. And I also realized how deeply grateful I am that I moved on from it--that I found a deeper meaning, a higher sense of purpose than I could have developed if I had stayed in the purely political mode of thinking.
I love that I got involved, that I fought for things that mattered to me. And I love that I keep doing that in ways that work, that involve really smart people doing really meaningful things to change how we live together. That involvement got me aware of the huge responsibility we have--to be sure that we do all we can with all that we are given.
What a blessing! What a trip to be reminded of it!
The man on the panel was Mark Rudd, there to talk about My Life with SDS and the Weathermen. SDS stands for Students for a Democratic Society and Mark was famous for having led the sit-ins at Columbia University in 1968, fanning the fire of the growing student movement (which we all called The Movement).
It is so interesting to see someone you haven't see in 40 years and both recognize him and remember so much about him. I was a member of SDS back in the late 60s. For those of us who were against the war in Viet Nam, wanted to open admissions up and break the power of racism on our college campuses, it was really the only place to be!
We were bright, we were energetic, and we were influential in society. There was an upheaval of protest that swept our country. Yes, especially in the southern part of the US, in states like Texas, there weren't that many of us, but we fed on the actions of those in the north--we watched with envy the sit-ins and the demonstrations where there were actually enough people to look like a crowd.
In my little part of the world, we were controversial to say the least. During the summer of 1968 a group of 6 of us got arrested on the campus of North Texas State University (now University of North Texas) for distributing "indecent and obscene literature." We were passing out leaflets that said "the elections don't mean shit--there is very little difference between Hubert Humphrey and Richard Nixon." Oddly enough, the jury couldn't agree on convicting us, so when one person went to trial and it resulted in a hung jury, they dropped the charges and we went on our merry way.
I was what was then referred to as an itinerant agitator--which meant I traveled around to campuses in Texas and Oklahoma trying to get SDS chapters going. I have to admit, we weren't enormously successful, as the political climate around here just wasn't that conducive to uprisings of students. Most were paying little attention to Viet Nam, unless they lost their deferments and were subject to the draft; and racism was such a way of life here, that it didn't rattle many cages for us to talk about it.
Our biggest success was at the University of Houston, which at that time had a very low enrollment of black students even though it sat in the middle of a mainly black section of southeast Houston. Most of the local kids were shuffled off to Texas Southern University, which at that time was much smaller, less well endowed, and considered second rate.
We staged marches around the campus to wake up action to open up admissions to black people. We moved from building to building, and Mark Rudd flew into Houston for a day and helped me make speeches about changing the school. A LOT of people turned out--which was amazing--but it actually seemed to be a cause that mattered to even the white local students that made up the enrollment. Amid lots of cheering and chanting, we had a heady feeling that we were making a difference!
Mark went back to New York and our group continued protesting the next day, culminating in a short take-over of the Safety and Security office, where I jumped up on a desk and made a rousing speech which ended with, "now let's march to the Student Center!" Those were my "fatal words" it turned out because some wild kids ran ahead of us and decided to make a point by tearing up things and generally making a mess. Unbeknownst to me, this would later be considered a riot, and I would be accused of inciting it.
Being someone very much against any form of destruction of property, I followed these kids shouting, "stop!" but by then it had gotten out of hand, so we quickly dispersed and hoped that the activity would just die down. The next day, thinking it was all over, I decided to leave Texas and move up to New York and hang out with Mark and some other friends and see what fun I could have being involved in The Movement for real, up where the Real SDS people were.
It was so exciting to be in New York City and ride the subway--learn how to eat pizza by the slice--get temp jobs in off the wall offices to make money. I loved it! I lasted there about 3 months, but soon ended up paying the price for my speech by actually being arrested for incitement to riot. I'll have to write about that adventure another time.
Seeing Mark brought all that flooding back to me--and I had a chance to look at how much being a part of that Movement had affected my life. And I also realized how deeply grateful I am that I moved on from it--that I found a deeper meaning, a higher sense of purpose than I could have developed if I had stayed in the purely political mode of thinking.
I love that I got involved, that I fought for things that mattered to me. And I love that I keep doing that in ways that work, that involve really smart people doing really meaningful things to change how we live together. That involvement got me aware of the huge responsibility we have--to be sure that we do all we can with all that we are given.
What a blessing! What a trip to be reminded of it!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Life Entrepreneurs Are in Constant Renewal
I'm in heaven at the moment, watching all the wonderful plants and flowers start to pop up in my garden. Five years ago, my niece wanted to have her wedding pictures taken in my back yard so I set out to re-landscape and have watched it develop and fill out until now I am simply in awe of the amazing things that happen when you plant and tend to a garden.
I must admit, I'm not the garden tender, except indirectly. I pay a wonderful woman named Marie-Theres to do that part, as I learned many years ago that I didn't have a green thumb for plants. I can help people grow into the lives they would love to live, but when it comes to plants, encouragement is about all I can offer!
Watching the plants bud first then sort of explode into something has sent me into noticing how similar our experiences are to what happens with plants--especially in the way we work and work on something, allow the cycle of nature to complete itself, then we get the big reward of new growth. When I am impatient, try to hurry things along, I find that all I get is stress. The process takes as long as it takes.
So, if I step back and really observe myself, I can see that my frustrating moments in life are a little like a plant trying to push itself up out of the soil--takes a lot of effort, and how do we know whether the plant feels that or not? And once it has pushed through, the roots continue to deepen, the greenery unfolds itself, and the buds don't show up until the weather conditions warrant a safe environment.
Sometimes we get a false signal, just like plants when an early warm spell brings out blooms before the weather has truly settled into spring, and many times those blooms don't last because of frost. In the same way I have seen myself project my imagination forward and thought I saw what I wanted and made up a story about it, only to realize I had jumped the gun and not been aware of the whole picture. Which led to disappointment, killing off the bloom of possibility for that moment.
We can do all the right things, plant our seeds at the right time of the year, water and fertilize them, be patient and let them grow, clean out the weeds that pop up around them, stay with our process and very likely we will get what we desire. However, sometimes, no matter how hard we try, the plant just doesn't grow right and we have to let it die off.
Isn't that true of ideas, projects and relationships? If we could be detached enough, could we see that we are in a process of constant renewal? That sometimes our blossoms don't come to fruition, but we still have the possibility of more in the future? Would we be more likely to take set-backs in stride and just see ourselves continually moving forward?
I must admit, I'm not the garden tender, except indirectly. I pay a wonderful woman named Marie-Theres to do that part, as I learned many years ago that I didn't have a green thumb for plants. I can help people grow into the lives they would love to live, but when it comes to plants, encouragement is about all I can offer!
Watching the plants bud first then sort of explode into something has sent me into noticing how similar our experiences are to what happens with plants--especially in the way we work and work on something, allow the cycle of nature to complete itself, then we get the big reward of new growth. When I am impatient, try to hurry things along, I find that all I get is stress. The process takes as long as it takes.
So, if I step back and really observe myself, I can see that my frustrating moments in life are a little like a plant trying to push itself up out of the soil--takes a lot of effort, and how do we know whether the plant feels that or not? And once it has pushed through, the roots continue to deepen, the greenery unfolds itself, and the buds don't show up until the weather conditions warrant a safe environment.
Sometimes we get a false signal, just like plants when an early warm spell brings out blooms before the weather has truly settled into spring, and many times those blooms don't last because of frost. In the same way I have seen myself project my imagination forward and thought I saw what I wanted and made up a story about it, only to realize I had jumped the gun and not been aware of the whole picture. Which led to disappointment, killing off the bloom of possibility for that moment.
We can do all the right things, plant our seeds at the right time of the year, water and fertilize them, be patient and let them grow, clean out the weeds that pop up around them, stay with our process and very likely we will get what we desire. However, sometimes, no matter how hard we try, the plant just doesn't grow right and we have to let it die off.
Isn't that true of ideas, projects and relationships? If we could be detached enough, could we see that we are in a process of constant renewal? That sometimes our blossoms don't come to fruition, but we still have the possibility of more in the future? Would we be more likely to take set-backs in stride and just see ourselves continually moving forward?
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Life Entrepreneurs Know No Thing Lasts Forever
What does? I think it is the essence of things that transcends their expression in our lives. True love lasts forever, but it shows up in tangible forms that have finite existence. The value of expressing love is it keeps it alive in us--we are filled with the essence of being when we feel love.
I've been spending the last six months or so thinking about my life, wondering what comes next, letting go of some old ideas, old ways of doing things--clearing the way for more. I've cleaned closets, cleaned up my office, cleaned up some loose ends with people. I've had some fun, had some sad days, realized a lot of things that I'm ready to talk about.
I've thought a lot about relationships, what they mean, how long they last, what it means when they don't last. I've had many very important friends that I no longer see. Of those I wish I could see, I find myself reaching out from time to time--and sometimes we get together, but sometimes the geographic distance is too great, and sometimes we live near each other but the other kind of distance between us is too great.
When I realize that we're not going to connect in the way I would like, I just send them love and light--sounds sort of funny writing it, but what I mean is that my feeling of connection continues, even when I don't feel it reciprocated. That makes it feel more palatable somehow.
So that is one of the things that doesn't last forever: the form of connection I have with others. The essence remains--I still feel love for and toward them--but the form of how we relate to each other didn't last. The relationship changes because we change how we show up and it shifts the dynamic irrevocably.
I think this is about frequency resonation. Sometimes we are on the same frequency, sometimes not. If we look at our interactions like radio wave patterns then we can see that sometimes we just aren't dialing in on the frequency that someone else is sending out--and vice versa! In the same vein, I think we cycle in and out of relationships and one of the hardest things to face is that the cycle may be over, even when we still care about someone.
I've helped a lot of people unravel themselves from entanglements. The way out is to love the experience, see what it gave to their life and feel blessed by it. That doesn't sound too difficult, but it is sometimes a challenge to get enough distance from the emotional hold to see it clearly. What is clear to me, but hard for them to see, is that the thing most difficult to let go of is the dream of what it could have been, not the reality of what is.
As a dear friend of mine says, "My relationship is with Love itself. If someone chooses to participate in my relationship with love, I am grateful. If she chooses to leave, and not participate in my relationship with love, I am also grateful. Nothing stops me in my relationship with Love as it does not depend on the 'other'."
I've been spending the last six months or so thinking about my life, wondering what comes next, letting go of some old ideas, old ways of doing things--clearing the way for more. I've cleaned closets, cleaned up my office, cleaned up some loose ends with people. I've had some fun, had some sad days, realized a lot of things that I'm ready to talk about.
I've thought a lot about relationships, what they mean, how long they last, what it means when they don't last. I've had many very important friends that I no longer see. Of those I wish I could see, I find myself reaching out from time to time--and sometimes we get together, but sometimes the geographic distance is too great, and sometimes we live near each other but the other kind of distance between us is too great.
When I realize that we're not going to connect in the way I would like, I just send them love and light--sounds sort of funny writing it, but what I mean is that my feeling of connection continues, even when I don't feel it reciprocated. That makes it feel more palatable somehow.
So that is one of the things that doesn't last forever: the form of connection I have with others. The essence remains--I still feel love for and toward them--but the form of how we relate to each other didn't last. The relationship changes because we change how we show up and it shifts the dynamic irrevocably.
I think this is about frequency resonation. Sometimes we are on the same frequency, sometimes not. If we look at our interactions like radio wave patterns then we can see that sometimes we just aren't dialing in on the frequency that someone else is sending out--and vice versa! In the same vein, I think we cycle in and out of relationships and one of the hardest things to face is that the cycle may be over, even when we still care about someone.
I've helped a lot of people unravel themselves from entanglements. The way out is to love the experience, see what it gave to their life and feel blessed by it. That doesn't sound too difficult, but it is sometimes a challenge to get enough distance from the emotional hold to see it clearly. What is clear to me, but hard for them to see, is that the thing most difficult to let go of is the dream of what it could have been, not the reality of what is.
As a dear friend of mine says, "My relationship is with Love itself. If someone chooses to participate in my relationship with love, I am grateful. If she chooses to leave, and not participate in my relationship with love, I am also grateful. Nothing stops me in my relationship with Love as it does not depend on the 'other'."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
