"Our grand business in life is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand."
-- Thomas Carlyle
One morning I got an email from one of my best friends with a question about a business situation, one she has found herself in more than once. I was able to call her immediately and talk through the problem. Right after I hung up, I realized how grateful I am that I am not on the road, working on someone's big project; instead I'm living in Dallas full time and available to my friends and family to be a part of their lives, and be able to help them from time to time.
I sort of had itchy feet for the last twelve years, starting in 1997 when close friend moved to London. I started visiting her four times a year, ended up working with her partner's architectural firm doing team building, coaching the owners and spending the rest of the time learning about England. Then in 1999 I started going to Paris several times a year, working with clients there, coaching and doing team building. All that time I was still running my sales agency and had coaching and business consulting clients on the side here in the States. After I sold the rep firm in 2006, I plunged full force into working with Count Me In in NYC and spent over half my time traveling with that project.
It was an interesting life--and I loved it. But I wasn't home much, and when I was, I was extremely busy. When my mom almost died in the fall of 2007, I rearranged my life so I could be there for her. It has been a challenging and fascinating journey to shift from business being my main focus to this new persona that I'm still getting to know and understand. The concept of being a Life Entrepreneur really stems from that--I found that I'm still the same basic person, but the choices I make and the way I live are vastly different from two years ago.
I've written about this journey in many of my Living Life entries in this blog. But what I'm realizing today is that it has always been about being a Life Entrepreneur. That is not a designation for only certain individuals who are expanding from a "business" perspective into a more integrated "life" perspective. To me, it means seeing ourselves as fully responsible for our lives, taking care of the business of being ourselves no matter what we're doing. This includes being a stay-at-home mom, a teaching assistant, a scientist, an engineer, a clerical worker, a factory worker, mechanic, garbage collector, utility worker, CFO of a major corporation, sales person, manager, retail store owner--I'm just scratching the surface of the number of jobs people can have.
I once heard Lily Tomlin speak to a large audience of business women, and my biggest surprise was that she saw herself as separate from the business world--as an entertainer, she took her work seriously, but didn't see what I thought was evident. She had built a business--the Lily Tomlin business--and the only thing keeping her from feeling like a successful business woman was recognition. Can you imagine the number of people who are involved with the booking, producing, writing and execution of her shows and appearances? Just because she may have not put her hands on every aspect of that, because much of it could have been delegated, it didn't mean that she wasn't the head of it.
So I'm encouraging people to see themselves as Life Entrepreneurs, not become Life Entrepreneurs. As far as I'm concerned, to be a functional human being in this complex, stressful, demanding world we live in, we are all Life Entrepreneurs carving our way along.
Circling back to Thomas Carlyle, when people ask me how I make choices each day, I usually say something like this: I repeat my life vision to myself each morning, affirm what I would love to be, do and have in my life, then I do what is in front of me. Thank you, Thomas Carlyle for saying that so beautifully.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Life Entrepreneurs are Grateful
As we move into the Thanksgiving holiday, I am reminded of all the times I didn't feel grateful: divorce; difficulties being a mom; feeling alienated from my parents, family; feeling unfocused, lost, confused about which way to go; facing huge set-backs with business or finances; losing friends; not getting something I wanted; feeling trapped in physical illness that seemed impossible to overcome; caught up in a pattern that I couldn't seem to break. I could go on a lot longer, but you get the idea.
One of the ways I changed my life was to start finding one thing at a time to be grateful for, to look for even the smallest thing to lift my spirits and help me find the order in life. Back in 1992, when I was very ill and felt somewhat hopeless, I found it close to impossible to walk up the slight incline on my street. It seemed to take every bit of strength I had. Each time I made it up that little hill, I gave myself a big hug, and celebrated. I was so grateful to find the inner ability to keep going! Those little moments added up, and I did overcome that illness and now see the blessings it brought me.
This is a very different Thanksgiving for me. No relatives are coming into town. I'm not preparing a large meal, or going to my parents' house to join some 22 other people in a circle of blessing before eating. My mom actually wants to eat her main meal at her retirement home because she wants to be there for all the others who are alone this year, so she will come to my house just for an afternoon visit. My son, the industrious chef, has to work then join his wife's family. I'll be dining with friends in the evening, bringing some side dishes and a pie. I can see that none of the traditions I helped create and enjoyed earlier in my life are available to me at this moment.
Instead of bemoaning the loss of the old and familiar, I'm rather enjoying the change--the challenge of really being with myself most of the time. The opportunity to work on my own projects, catch up on my books and movies, having big spaces of time to truly do what I want. When I was younger, I dreamed of having even one day like that, and now I have lots of them. I don't want to be guilty of feeling burdened by what I wished for! ("Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!")
This new, more solitary, more introverted, more contemplative life is very sweet. I'm grateful for every morning that I wake up and realize I actually slept almost seven hours instead of five or six. I'm grateful that I get to spend time with my precious grandson, Ethan, and watch him growing, learning to talk, move around, try to master his world. I'm grateful for my wise and loving son and his wife for being so present in my life. I'm grateful to have my precious mother, still so vital and alive at 85. I'm grateful for my sisters, all our history of being part of a family led by remarkable parents. I'm grateful for my friends who constantly amaze and inspire me by their creativity, their courage to keep being themselves, their ideas, their difficulties, their lives, mostly their friendship. I'm grateful that I still feel inspired to work, to write and reflect about life, to be able to work with people and have an impact in their lives. I'm grateful to all my teachers and mentors who have been beacons of light along my sometimes foggy path. I'm grateful for my adversaries--people who have challenged me to my knees and played their role in helping me grow and learn.
And I'm really grateful that I have so many reasons to see that for me, everyday is Thanksgiving Day. Isn't that one of the best ways to be a Life Entrepreneur?
One of the ways I changed my life was to start finding one thing at a time to be grateful for, to look for even the smallest thing to lift my spirits and help me find the order in life. Back in 1992, when I was very ill and felt somewhat hopeless, I found it close to impossible to walk up the slight incline on my street. It seemed to take every bit of strength I had. Each time I made it up that little hill, I gave myself a big hug, and celebrated. I was so grateful to find the inner ability to keep going! Those little moments added up, and I did overcome that illness and now see the blessings it brought me.
This is a very different Thanksgiving for me. No relatives are coming into town. I'm not preparing a large meal, or going to my parents' house to join some 22 other people in a circle of blessing before eating. My mom actually wants to eat her main meal at her retirement home because she wants to be there for all the others who are alone this year, so she will come to my house just for an afternoon visit. My son, the industrious chef, has to work then join his wife's family. I'll be dining with friends in the evening, bringing some side dishes and a pie. I can see that none of the traditions I helped create and enjoyed earlier in my life are available to me at this moment.
Instead of bemoaning the loss of the old and familiar, I'm rather enjoying the change--the challenge of really being with myself most of the time. The opportunity to work on my own projects, catch up on my books and movies, having big spaces of time to truly do what I want. When I was younger, I dreamed of having even one day like that, and now I have lots of them. I don't want to be guilty of feeling burdened by what I wished for! ("Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!")
This new, more solitary, more introverted, more contemplative life is very sweet. I'm grateful for every morning that I wake up and realize I actually slept almost seven hours instead of five or six. I'm grateful that I get to spend time with my precious grandson, Ethan, and watch him growing, learning to talk, move around, try to master his world. I'm grateful for my wise and loving son and his wife for being so present in my life. I'm grateful to have my precious mother, still so vital and alive at 85. I'm grateful for my sisters, all our history of being part of a family led by remarkable parents. I'm grateful for my friends who constantly amaze and inspire me by their creativity, their courage to keep being themselves, their ideas, their difficulties, their lives, mostly their friendship. I'm grateful that I still feel inspired to work, to write and reflect about life, to be able to work with people and have an impact in their lives. I'm grateful to all my teachers and mentors who have been beacons of light along my sometimes foggy path. I'm grateful for my adversaries--people who have challenged me to my knees and played their role in helping me grow and learn.
And I'm really grateful that I have so many reasons to see that for me, everyday is Thanksgiving Day. Isn't that one of the best ways to be a Life Entrepreneur?
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Life Entrepreneurs Make Choices We May or May Not Agree With
"Destiny is not a matter of chance. It is a matter of choice." --Oliver Wendell Holmes
How many times have we thought we knew what was best for someone, but felt powerless to get them to see it? I have had that experience many times (as a coach, keeping my mouth shut when it won't help the situation is a consistent challenge!).
Yesterday morning the phone rang, and when I saw the name on the caller ID, the first thing that crossed my mind was that it was a family member of an old friend calling to tell me she had passed away. This was a friend whom I hadn't seen in quite a while. She was such a committed alcoholic that I stopped being able to connect with her. Nothing I had said or done with her helped her with her situation. I never fully gave up on her, I just didn't expect to see her again and was resigned to loving the friendship we once had, but letting it go.
The voice on the line was clear, strong and energetic. It was (to my amazement) my old friend! And she called to tell me she would be in Dallas this week, she wanted to see me, and that she had finally gone to the Betty Ford Clinic, dried out and quit drinking once and for all. What a moment!
This friend made a different choice, finally, and is living a new life. Does it mean that she only came into her "Life Entrepreneur" phase when she quit drinking? I say no. After knowing her for almost 40 years, I am certain she has been a Life Entrepreneur all this time. Her choices worked for her, for whatever reasons, and my job isn't to judge whether she was right or wrong. My job is to notice what she did to live fully. She was creative, had friends, built a life, stayed alive and well in her own way, even when I found it difficult to connect and relate to her.
We can be so subjective about what is "acceptable" for other people--we can so easily form opinions and decide we know what the future holds for others. In actuality, I could not know where her life path would lead her, and the best thing I could do for her, and for me, was to just love her--without conditions, without demands, and without even being in contact.
My dad used to say, "the definition of an unbaised man is one whose prejudices agree with mine." I have my own values and found it difficult to stay in regular communication with my dear friend who made a choice to drink. But I'm so glad I didn't stop caring about her, and I'm so grateful she called to tell me her news.
I eagerly look forward to a face to face visit so I can learn more about how she will continue to carve out her life and make new choices. And I am so grateful I've learned a little bit about unconditional love, so I can welcome her back into my experience with open arms.
How many times have we thought we knew what was best for someone, but felt powerless to get them to see it? I have had that experience many times (as a coach, keeping my mouth shut when it won't help the situation is a consistent challenge!).
Yesterday morning the phone rang, and when I saw the name on the caller ID, the first thing that crossed my mind was that it was a family member of an old friend calling to tell me she had passed away. This was a friend whom I hadn't seen in quite a while. She was such a committed alcoholic that I stopped being able to connect with her. Nothing I had said or done with her helped her with her situation. I never fully gave up on her, I just didn't expect to see her again and was resigned to loving the friendship we once had, but letting it go.
The voice on the line was clear, strong and energetic. It was (to my amazement) my old friend! And she called to tell me she would be in Dallas this week, she wanted to see me, and that she had finally gone to the Betty Ford Clinic, dried out and quit drinking once and for all. What a moment!
This friend made a different choice, finally, and is living a new life. Does it mean that she only came into her "Life Entrepreneur" phase when she quit drinking? I say no. After knowing her for almost 40 years, I am certain she has been a Life Entrepreneur all this time. Her choices worked for her, for whatever reasons, and my job isn't to judge whether she was right or wrong. My job is to notice what she did to live fully. She was creative, had friends, built a life, stayed alive and well in her own way, even when I found it difficult to connect and relate to her.
We can be so subjective about what is "acceptable" for other people--we can so easily form opinions and decide we know what the future holds for others. In actuality, I could not know where her life path would lead her, and the best thing I could do for her, and for me, was to just love her--without conditions, without demands, and without even being in contact.
My dad used to say, "the definition of an unbaised man is one whose prejudices agree with mine." I have my own values and found it difficult to stay in regular communication with my dear friend who made a choice to drink. But I'm so glad I didn't stop caring about her, and I'm so grateful she called to tell me her news.
I eagerly look forward to a face to face visit so I can learn more about how she will continue to carve out her life and make new choices. And I am so grateful I've learned a little bit about unconditional love, so I can welcome her back into my experience with open arms.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Being a Strategic Life Entrepreneur
What if you believed that your primary business is to be your true, authentic self? And what if you could then express that self by doing things you love to do? What if you learned more about what makes a business successful and, like a commercial business person does, created a strategic plan for your life, put systems in place to execute that plan, got the help you needed to succeed at it and created a series of outcomes that could be measured and duplicated?
Does that sound sort of cold and too "business-like?" Then let's add in the more juicy ingredients: fulfilling work, artistic or creative expression, time for family, friends, fun activities. All those could be integrated into your strategic plan. What a concept!
Being a Life Entrepreneur starts with a sense of purpose, actually a higher purpose than performing daily activities or tasks, or even meeting short-term goals. To be a true Life Entrepreneur, you take the time to search your soul, think about why you're here on the planet, what is it you're meant to do. It helps to look back over your life and survey where you have spent your time, energy, money and put your attention on.
I figured out early on that I am an educator, a teacher, but actually a pretty unconventional one. I taught Montessori for a few years, and when I moved into the business world again, I found that applying the principles I learned from my teaching helped me grow my business. I continued to teach more formally on the side by studying metaphysics and offering classes, coaching people, then included business consulting by the mid-eighties. These were all forms of teaching, but very unconventional. As the owner of a sales agency, I saw my role of educator as a way to help my employees reach their highest potential. As a coach and consultant, I helped others do that for themselves and their employees.
Now I'm teaching by writing, coaching and consulting, but have the luxury of spending more time thinking about how to share ideas with a broader audience. When I look back at the last forty or so years, I can see that my time, energy, money and attention have been directed to molding me into the woman I am today, and that I was purposeful about it from the beginning.
The reason I talk about being strategic is that I learned from experience that when I create new strategies, I get closer to creating my chosen outcomes. When I stay with old patterns and keep using old strategies somewhat unconsciously, I seem to keep repeating them and feel like I'm on a merry-go-round and can't get off. We call that "revolving" instead of "evolving." Just being purposeful wasn't enough. To feel my work and life are truly fulfilling, I found it was necessary to consistently examine and revise my strategies, both personally and professionally.
Somedays I feel a little silly being 62 and learning how to Twitter, update my LinkedIn page and see what is up on Facebook. Other days, I feel like those things are part of what keep me relevant and current, and that I have a good thirty or forty years of productive, meaningful, purposeful living ahead of me, so it makes perfect sense to do those things.
What I'm really saying is that this is what makes me feel like a Life Entrepreneur. I'm carving out my life, and enjoying what I'm learning along the way. And it sure beats the alternative--waiting around for something to happen until one day I wake up and can't figure out how to get up!
Not me!
Does that sound sort of cold and too "business-like?" Then let's add in the more juicy ingredients: fulfilling work, artistic or creative expression, time for family, friends, fun activities. All those could be integrated into your strategic plan. What a concept!
Being a Life Entrepreneur starts with a sense of purpose, actually a higher purpose than performing daily activities or tasks, or even meeting short-term goals. To be a true Life Entrepreneur, you take the time to search your soul, think about why you're here on the planet, what is it you're meant to do. It helps to look back over your life and survey where you have spent your time, energy, money and put your attention on.
I figured out early on that I am an educator, a teacher, but actually a pretty unconventional one. I taught Montessori for a few years, and when I moved into the business world again, I found that applying the principles I learned from my teaching helped me grow my business. I continued to teach more formally on the side by studying metaphysics and offering classes, coaching people, then included business consulting by the mid-eighties. These were all forms of teaching, but very unconventional. As the owner of a sales agency, I saw my role of educator as a way to help my employees reach their highest potential. As a coach and consultant, I helped others do that for themselves and their employees.
Now I'm teaching by writing, coaching and consulting, but have the luxury of spending more time thinking about how to share ideas with a broader audience. When I look back at the last forty or so years, I can see that my time, energy, money and attention have been directed to molding me into the woman I am today, and that I was purposeful about it from the beginning.
The reason I talk about being strategic is that I learned from experience that when I create new strategies, I get closer to creating my chosen outcomes. When I stay with old patterns and keep using old strategies somewhat unconsciously, I seem to keep repeating them and feel like I'm on a merry-go-round and can't get off. We call that "revolving" instead of "evolving." Just being purposeful wasn't enough. To feel my work and life are truly fulfilling, I found it was necessary to consistently examine and revise my strategies, both personally and professionally.
Somedays I feel a little silly being 62 and learning how to Twitter, update my LinkedIn page and see what is up on Facebook. Other days, I feel like those things are part of what keep me relevant and current, and that I have a good thirty or forty years of productive, meaningful, purposeful living ahead of me, so it makes perfect sense to do those things.
What I'm really saying is that this is what makes me feel like a Life Entrepreneur. I'm carving out my life, and enjoying what I'm learning along the way. And it sure beats the alternative--waiting around for something to happen until one day I wake up and can't figure out how to get up!
Not me!
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