Why I Love The USA

I'm home from 16 days of Europe--4 were spent traveling and I saw a LOT of interesting people and situations. Each time I take a trip like this, I come home wanting to kiss the soil.

Yesterday I had a conversation about how most poeple who live in the US take it for granted. I contend that even really poor people in this country have adavantages they don't even realize. For one thing, shopping. Even if they don't have much money, they can still go to a really nice grocery or department store that is probably fairly convenient to them, unless they live in a very rural area. We have amazing stores with everything one could imagine buying!

Convenience--I love getting in the car and zipping around. I agree that Europe has much more public transportation than cities like Dallas, but more people have access to cars here, and we can actually get around to most places.

Familiarity--the older I get, the more I love being around what is familiar to me. I just visited my friend Nadia in Mykonos, and she loves her house which is out on a point, facing the Mediterranean. She doesn't like it when boats come and anchor there, because she loves her view of the sea and the islands across from her. I get it--she has been looking at that view her whole life. Her father built that house, and she now owns it. And she loves it. She doesn't want to live there full time, as she still enjoys her life in Paris, but she is so grateful that she has this familiar home to come to as often as she likes.

I get that, because I know it is one reason I love to be in Dallas. I grew up here, I feel at home here, my friends and Mom are here, and it is familiar. Everytime I think about living someplace else, I get a heart tug for home. That is one reason I admire my mom so much for being able to move from her home and into a retirement community. But it took her a year to adapt to it, because it just wasn't familiar enough.

Cleanliness--Dallas is a delightfully clean place to live. Most people keep up their homes, and people don't litter on streets like they did in earlier times. People care about their city and it shows.

OK, I know I'm waxing poetic about my home base, but I'm just so grateful to live in a place I love and have all the benefits I have from it.

Realization

Time has flown by and I'm down to two days before I start traveling again. Being in Mykonos has been a wonderful respite from my busy-ness of home, but I didn't really come to any great new awarenesses, or feel free from the nagging anxiety of the last few months. I guess it is as my sister predicted--getting over this shock to my system is like being a burn victim. My skin needs time to heal even though I've done the mental/spiritual work and see the blessings.......

My body and emotions haven't quite caught up yet. This is one of those fertile void periods for me. I have the sense that there is much ahead, I just don't know what it is. And at this point, I don't actually know how to know.

On this trip I've read 9 books so far and will probably top 11 by the time I get back to Texas. Reading this much at one time has at least reaffirmed my confidence as a writer. The ones I most enjoy reading are those who write like I do, sort of streaming consciousness, even if it is in the voice of a fictional character.

So I know I can do that. And I feel strongly that the process I'm going through is probably not that different from many in my age range. We are being given an opportunity to reinvent ourselves, unencumbered by past expectations of what society supposedly would provide for us. Our retirement funds are no longer cushions to rely on, we are not the most sought after work force applicants, and most of us feel a somewhat diminished possibility of living out the romantic notions of our youth--whether we are in relationships currently or not.

So, as they say, it's a new ball game.

The cool thing about that for me is that I want to make up the rules this time--on my terms.

What a concept! It isn't a new awareness to bring home so much as a realization. This time it really is my turn, and what I do with it is up to me.

People Watching and Potatoes

I'm traveling right now--first to Paris for a few days and now I'm in Mykonos This has been a crash refresher course in observing over the last week.

I had a big delay on my way to Paris--plane broke down, so they rerouted me on the direct flight (yea!) and I had the fun of spending most of the day in the airport. Instead of it being a bad experience, I let it be a lovely one. I had time to preview books for my Kindle (what an invention!) and watch all kinds of fascinating people in the Admiral's Club, in the airport lounges, in the restaurant where I got a really expensive salad and some interesting insight into what people order. Lots of burgers, lots of french fries, which I've given up on eating at most places since I only like fresh cut potatoes and Americans seem to have forgotten the difference.

Speaking of fried potatoes, some of the best I've tasted came with a marvelous afternoon into evening in Rafina, Greece, where we waited five hours for the ferry to take us to Mykonos--the winds are very high now and the SeaJets don't cross in the high winds. We saw every possible kind of tourist mixed in with the locals come and go in waves. When an overly friendly local man started chatting me up, I realized people watching was more interesting than interacting--good to know for future reference. But I wouldn't have missed the potatoes for anything! Crisp but all soft and potatoey inside--like I remember from my childhood before Ore-Ida took over the frozen french fry market.

Back to what I gleaned from all this observing: people are the same no matter where they come from. Their appearance changes slightly depending on their culture, but babies cry, mothers look exhausted, couples moon and smooch in public (mostly only the really young ones), kids bug their parents for food, geeky guys look nerdy no matter what country they're from, frumpy middle aged couples seem to be completely unaware of their appearance, young men with guitars are still roaming around Europe, qnd most people seem resigned to the fact that traveling requires patience, perseverance and stamina--nothing glamorous about it!

So the fact that in the midst of withstanding the travails of travel over which I have very little control I could find the perfect french fry in a seaside tavern on the Greek coast makes it seem worthwhile somehow--more bearable and even worth the effort.

Not to mention that once we finally arrived in Mykonos at one am we fell into showers then slept and woke to the amazing beauty of the Mediterranean Sea shining all around us.

Now that is worth whatever it took to get here!

The Right Thing

Doing the Right Thing isn't always the easiest thing.....

Yesterday I took action on a problem and now I'm feeling relieved, yet I still feel the echos of panic that I've been plagued with over the last two months. But I made my decision, I did it, and now I can move on.

First of all it was a tremendous amount of work to compile all the information, then it took courage to talk about it, then my ego took another beating when I was asked questions I couldn't answer. That stuff is hard.

As we moved my mother recently, she took time to go over boxes of old letters she had saved. She made packets for each of us four girls to read what we had written her many years ago. There were chirpy little missives from me from the late sixties--part of the time I was a college student, and part of the time I was a radical deeply involved in The Movement--stopping the war in Viet Nam and breaking down racial barriers in society. But from both situations, what came across was that I was a very sweet person who loved her family, was very fond of her parents and had a deep desire to stay connected to them.

And I'm that same person today, just older and wiser (as my dad used to say, "Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment...."), so, now I practice some good judgment, just not all the time. I mentioned that to my mother and in talking about it, realized that it is that sweet girl, who wants to be liked, to belong, that is the part of me that gets scared, feels panic, is afraid somehow that things won't work out.

Thank goodness I have developed more parts of myself that I can turn to--because it was necessary to push ahead and not let fear paralyze me. And I did it.

And even if it doesn't create the result I would like, taking action, Doing the Right Thing feels really good.

Living Fully

I'm realizing that writing every day probably is too ambitious--but at least I think about it! I spent yesterday morning sitting in bed watching TV. I couldn't make myself do Pilates or write. Sometimes we just need a catch-up day.

I used to push myself so much that I would sit down at my desk and realize a bill hadn't been paid on time, or emails hadn't been responded to. Now, I may miss a phone call or two, but I am much more on top of things than before.

I've been saying this over and over: I don't want to go back to how I used to live. So now I'm going to concentrate on how I would love to live from here on out.

I love working with clients and seeing them transform before my eyes. I love helping people grow their businesses. I love taking care of things for my mom, spending time with my precious grandson, seeing my friends fairly regularly, taking Demartini classes, reading, watching TV (may sound weird, but that is actually research for me, because I watch shows about how people relate to each other), spending time working on my inner self.

When I put all that together, I see it is a full time job, to live the way I love to live.

As I emerge from the anxiety and stress of the last couple of months, I can see that the main effect of going through this most recent crisis is that I am more acutely aware of asking myself whether what I am doing is truly congruent with my life purpose. The tingles and butterflies I feel in my chest and sometimes my gut are signals to pay attention to that. Having let down my guard, allowed myself to be fooled, feeling humiliated to the core--that has all served to remind me to pay attention.

Today I'm thinking that living fully is about doing what I love to do, but being careful to listen to my inner voice, read the signs coming from my body, pay heed to the doubts, and yet continue to be willing to feel humble to the higher order and go with the flow of it.

I'm actually looking forward to that!

Musing about moving

This has been a really long week. We moved my mom into a smaller apartment at her retirement community. So much stuff! I really want to get serious about clearing out my house, whether I move or not, I know I don't need all this stuff!

I am still musing about why we gather so many things. I realize that my mother feels really good to have her familiar things around--pictures, mementos, her same sofas and her favorite reclining chair. She and my father were together 62 years, so I also imagine having those things around her helps her feel connected to him.

I walk around my house looking at what I have on the walls, and I love every painting, every piece of art--even the framed posters! They feel comforting.

Sometimes this house feels way too big, too many rooms, too much space. And other times I can't imagine not having all the space and all the things I have. So, I must be in a transition, working on changing how I live, but caught between my past and my future. I do envision a smaller place in a couple of years, so I am working on the mental preparation for it now.

Change seems to be hard, even when it is for the best. For that reason, I truly admire my mom for being able to roll with it and maintain a cheerful attitude. It sure makes it easier to help her!

Stuff

Why do we have so much stuff? I've been helping my mother move to a different apartment and I can't believe how much stuff she has--and she has dramatically pared down from the big house she used to live in.

Is it an American thing? A human thing? We tend to hold on to things we think we might need later. I do it too, in spades! And it has me thinking, if I decide to move in a few years to a smaller place, maybe it would be a good idea to start sifting through things now and let other people take some of this stuff that I have accumulated.

Part of it is that I can see my values have changed. I bought this house about twelve years ago when I was running my sales company, had people staying with me frequently, entertained a lot, needed a lot of stuff for that.

Today, I have a very different life. Entertaining is more about spending time with a few great friends instead of having 50 people over. So I don't really need enough plates to serve that many people. But I still have them!

So, I hereby commit to opening cabinets, drawers, closets and asking myself: do I really need this? When do I plan to use it again? Who else could be enjoying it?

I hope I follow through................

More thoughts on Being Single

Writing about being single yesterday I realize how truly calm I am about that subject. I grew up with such a sense of expectation to "couple" and "find my soul mate" that I think being alone has been a bit of an irritant to my inner sense of well-being.

I love Demartini's theory about soul mates: you are never without one, they just don't always show up in one person. I know I am surrounded by soul mates--both men and women with whom I connect in very deep and meaningful ways. One of the things that crosses my mind is how grateful I am that I don't have to narrow that down to just one, because I can't imagine my life without the large number of people who are really important to me being in it!

I have a lot of great husbands--they are either married to my friends, or are men that I know through business or studying who are committed to other women, and some are single but we aren't connected in a romantic way. I'm not involved with them in a physical way, but they certainly enrich my life and I absolutely adore them. I might even adore them more because I don't live with them--so I generally see their best sides when I'm around them. So how can I say I don't have a husband?

And my women friends are equally, if not more, important. I am sure I couldn't have made it through the last two months without them. They have held my hand to help me get the courage to face each day. They have embraced my tears, comforted my sorrow, and encouraged me to keep going. I feel surrounded by Amazon Warrior Women who will stick by me no matter what.

So, being single isn't the curse I thought it would be when I was younger and craving being part of a couple. I'm not saying being with a lovely man who was free to be with me wouldn't be nice. It would. But I am living well anyway.

And for that, I am grateful.

Being SIngle

My sister Rachael has been visiting here for the last few days. She's on her way from Northern California, where she lives, to London to visit her kids and especially her granddaughter Betsy. She and I, being the oldest two of the four Davis girls, as we were called growing up, are very different but also very alike.

We're different in personality, how we spend our time, some basic interests, but we are very alike in our independence and sense of being in the world. Neither of us has been married for many years, although we both gave the institution a really good try. We grew up in a very traditional household with a strong father but equally strong mother. Her career was taking care of her husband and she did it very well for 62 years until he passed away in 2006. She worked beside him in his medical practice, in his political life--stood by him all the way.

Rachael and I both tried to do that for our husbands, we just didn't seem to choose men that we could ultimately keep "standing by" for the long haul. And, as we discussed over this recent visit, we also didn't have enough incentive to compromise ourselves to do it. Was it the husbands that didn't inspire us or was it we who were unwilling?

Probably a combination of both. Rachael and I reached adulthood in the late 60s during the social and sexual revolution. Politically we were against the war in Viet Nam, we fought against racism, we participated in all sorts of groups focused on raising consciousness for women. Those experiences informed our lives in ways that I am still sorting out.

One of the ways was that we just couldn't see the point of losing ourselves, our own sense of identity, in order to stay married. I am not saying that other women our age who did or have stayed married lost their identities. Many married men that they could be honest with, who could appreciate them fully. Rachael and I just didn't choose those kinds of men. Why? I'm not sure, except that I do understand we marry, or choose to be in relationship with, the person that will most help us grow--even it that isn't apparent at the time.

We both grew immensely from our past relationships, and neither of us regrets having them. But we also have grown from being single, figuring out how to be self-sufficient with no "prince charming" in sight. We've done it differently, but we have both managed to stay alive and well into our early 60s.

And not only is there no "prince charming" in sight for us, neither of us holds much hope for even going on a fun date at this point. It feels like that is just too far out of the realm of possibility. The good and bad are that for me, it is hard to give up my romantic musings completely--I still love stories about relationships, I still love the idea of having a boyfriend and a lover. And in her own way, I think Rachael would also.

The big But is that neither of us seems to be willing to bend ourselves into a pretzel to keep a man around--and the kinds I have been involved with over the last 20 years seem to have required that. I'm not blaming all men--I'm sure my "picker ability" has been faulty. I attracted men that I didn't, in the long run, feel were worth that kind of effort.

So, Rachael and I may very likely be single for the rest of our lives. At the moment, we're okay with that because we have some really great blessings to count: our grandchildren, our children, our health, our mother is still vibrant and well at almost 85, and we have meaningful work and really great friends.

Not so bad for a couple of single girls moving well into their senior years.........

My Day

Today was a good day.

Today some things opened up, and I saw more light.

Today my sister helped me, my friend helped me, and things went smoothly.

I feel like I'm actually moving forward, and I have things to look forward to. I am so grateful.

I had whole spaces of time today when I didn't feel anxious.

Today was a good day.