The harder they fall........

I have a client whose financial crisis mirrors the one in our global economy. She spent the last few years banking on the idea that she could somehow circumvent the rules and not be fiscally responsible and that the universe [God, some magical power out there] would provide.

I believe what we are witnessing is the equilibration of hubris, and by that I mean human arrogance that universal prinicples somehow don't apply to them.

Haven't we seen the wealth and power wielded by Wall Street personas as somehow out of our reach? Didn't we all buy into the idea that these people were immune to the rules? Didn't we believe the evidence of their stature as pillars of the financial community?

Sure! There's even a very insightful TV show playing called Dirty Sexy Money that portrays the antics and machinations of "the richest family in America." They do whatever they want! They buy political elections through lies and influence. They bend the rules, change the rules, at will. And they seem to get away with it.

But the show gives us the other side. These people are just as clueless about personal relationships and self-fulfillment as every other person walking the planet. They just look good and have wealth to mask their misery. It may soften the consequences of their attitudes and behavior, but it doesn't eliminate them.

So what does this mean for us?

I think it means to see whatever level we are being affected by the "financial crisis" as a mirror to show us areas to clean up our thinking and figure out how to live well in a different way--by paying attention to our attitudes and ask ourselves the kinds of quality questions that will lead us to appreciate the challenges of life and re-evaluate how we are living it.

I see money as an expression of energy, and I believe net worth and self-worth are equal. When I see a client with a lack of net worth, I immediately start looking at what they believe about themselves, whether they have a sense of value for themselves, to what degree they are able to live from the inside out, rather than letting the world and what surrounds them dictate their lives.

Usually, this shows up as lack in more ways than money--they lack a sense of appreciation of the people around them and the magnificent universe we live in, they blame others and situations for their problems, they are looking for some sort of magic pill, both figuratively and literally, to get them out of the mess.

There is no magic to living well, because it takes the same process for everyone. And one of the great benefits of financial crisis is that it forces us to get back to basics and rebuild the financial foundation, rethink and reset priorities, stop making up stories about being rescued and take care of each problem, one by one, in a reasonable, logical, effective way.

So what is my client doing? She got a job and is doing the mental preparation work to enable her to succeed at it. Is there any guarantee that she will? No. But the fact that she has faced her situation and takes responsibility for it, the discipline with which she has looked at it and seen what her mental obstacles were and is willing to work through them, gives her a much better chance at effectiveness than when she was trying to have faith that somehow God would provide.

I'm looking forward to seeing how it goes for her. I'm also interested to see how the dire consequences of our global crisis affect the election, how we do business, and what happens on Wall Street. These people were very big, and they fell. Isn't that the same thing that we experience when our unrealistic thinking creates fantasies that we pray will come true? Is that any different from when we're--just as our mothers warned us--too big for our britches?

Creating Harmony

I used to believe that creating harmony was my job #1 in life.

I have been letting it slip lately, and I want to work on that. I moved my mom to a retirement community at the beginning of the summer and spent the next three months regrouping--getting myself back to me, after spending 9 months taking care of her.

I let myself watch movies, read books, visited friends.... I really enjoyed it. Then in September, as I wrote earlier I started working more and got sort of frenzied, trying to fit so many things into each day.

When I looked at what I was doing, I realized that I didn't want to work quite that much, so am figuring out other solutions. In the meantime, I also noticed that I was getting impatient with my mom when I would take her shopping or spend time with her. Where did my harmony go?

It went back into a lower priority level. I just wasn't mindful of how important it is for me to get along with my mother. No, I don't really enjoy listening to her air her political views. And yes, sometimes it is difficult to wait for her to move around.

But she's alive and well and thinking! And she CAN move! And she is interested in ideas and keeps her mind active!

So, this morning I made a renewed commitment to place harmony in a higher position on my priority scale. I stopped by for a moment to see my mom, and I truly felt different about being around her.

Life is so clearly a state of mind!

Consequences

One of my clients recently told me how devastated he is because he has become fully aware that his actions resulted in the closing of a door on a relationship that he actually didn't want to give up. Deep in his heart, he didn't want to let go of the dream that somehow things would eventually work out.

But he didn't act that way. He continued to do the one, big thing that would preclude the possibility of that relationship rekindling.

Why?

What prevented him from seeing that his actions had serious consequences?

That is something that I intend to ponder over the next few weeks. Because even though I imagine that I am extremely conscientious about my actions, I probably keep doing things that are creating consequeces, and I'm perhaps not even aware of it--and the only reason I can think of right now is that whatever I'm doing has more value to me than the results I would achieve by changing that behavior.

So maybe, just maybe, even though he believes that he wanted the relationship, he really didn't, proved by how he acted. Is that true? I'm thinking about it.

Not your "ideal" job?

One of my clients recently emailed me with this question:

"I'm trying to appreciate my current job like you suggested, as I know the contacts I've made...are part of my total vision...I've [worked on doing that] but nothing clear has come to me."

My response to her was:

" I haven’t ever been employed—in any capacity—whether running my own business or working in an organization I really supported—where I didn’t have pretty extreme positives and negatives about the work. I think it is endemic to life. So the sooner we break the myth that an ideal job is anything less than one that challenges as well as supports us, the sooner we can be present, keep growing our vision and doing what is in front of us because it is our divine gift for our further unfoldment. I know that sounds like a strong opinion and it is. Most of us spend too much time in the myth of what could have been or may be in the future and not enough time looking for the benefits of what is right in front of us. No matter what stories we make up, that kind of thinking is what keeps us from being present."

What I'm really saying is that every job is your ideal job, because it gives you the opportunity to learn and grow. And if you fully do that, it leads to the next growth step, which could very easily be another job!

It is so interesting to me that I hear people talk about God and Divine Order and purport to believe that all is ultimately in God's hands, or that the Divine Order of life is ever present, but then they separate themselves from that Order and make up the story that exactly what they are dealing with in exactly that moment is also in Divine Order and can be seen as a blessing.

Why don't we appreciate what we have?

I do a lot of relationship coaching--with couples, helping people sort out difficulties with friendships, business relationships, how to get involved in them, how to untangle from them, and I think about my own life as I'm working with my clients and no surprise, learn a great deal from them, even when they don't realize they are teaching me.

And I have many deep and abiding friendships that have lasted for years, so I have a lot of information about what goes on between people from a personal basis also. And here's the thing I'm noticing right now: when I listen to stories about other people's interactions, I tend to think about how I would deal with that particular situation, and so often it has to do with me thinking I would be more appreciative of the opportunity to BE in the relationship than they are........

Really? Probably not, but the story sounds so compelling to me, in my mind, that it seems true. The reason I think it is probably not true is that when I'm having a difficult time with someone, I do all the things I see my clients and friends do that I might not do if I were acting out my imaginary scenario. This sounds a little convoluted, but what I'm really saying is:

You have to be there! None of the stories I make up about how I would do it differently would matter to me at all if I were in the situation with exactly their history and behavior patterns, and whatever it is that they are there to learn at that moment.

I dated a guy for a while this summer, and he was a perfectly nice person, but as the time went by, he became less and less interesting to me. I can make up a story that he didn't like me enough, and therefore didn't do the things that I wanted him to do to keep my interest. But I can't actually know that.

All I can know is that I lost interest. So I stopped calling him back when he called me, and eventually he just stopped calling. The thing that I enjoyed about that ending was that it gave me a chance to do something different from how I might have done it in the past. My old style would have been to have a break-up conversation, and I probably would have enjoyed the drama around that. But I didn't go there this time--perhaps because I didn't feel that strongly about him, or maybe I'm not that interested in drama these days. I prefer to think the latter of course, which would mean that by finally being in my 60s I might have matured a bit.

But the truth is that I might feel that drama again, and act differently in another situation.

So, what I'm also saying is that when I see couples who are at war, and start thinking how if I were in that relationship I would do whatever it took to create harmony and develop it instead of tear it apart, well, I am realizing that may not be true. Odds are really good that I will do what I do based on whatever I need to do at the moment for my own security, sanity, and in defense of whatever state of mind I am committed to at that moment.

And that is the human condition.