Several months ago I wrote about an acquaintance who, at 62, reached a point of such life desperation that he shot himself. I won't ever truly know his story, as I have only heard some of the reasons he might have done it. It sounds as if it had a financial basis, and that he didn't seem to have thought of any other options.
Yesterday I went to another funeral, this time a completely different kind of occasion, as we were celebrating the rich, full life of my Uncle Johnny, my mother's oldest brother, who passed away at the vital age of 90 because his body just couldn't function anymore. This was a man who clearly saw other options in life besides giving up.
My mother and I visited his wife before the service; we had driven early in the morning to Gilmer, a town a couple of hours east of Dallas. She handed us a stack of pictures that I had never seen--photos of Mom and her five brothers as children, images of her and my father newly married, and others of me and my sisters visiting my grandparents' farm with our mother. All the shots were in black and white, but life seemed to breathe from them.
There was a picture of my mom and four of her brothers and I asked where Johnny was--she said he had left home by then, that is what farm boys did back then. He and his cousin had graduated high school at 15 or 16 and gone off to Texarkana to be able to drink, smoke and play cards--act out their dreams and work just enough to support their freedom. When World War II started, those same boys enlisted and did their duty. Fortunately Johnny was one who came back from the war.
He married a woman who he was crazy about--but the craziness turned out to be hers. I can remember visiting them, or their being around in family gatherings, and watching Aunt Corinne slowly change into someone not truly with us. Back then, mental problems were probably as common as now, but no one talked about them, and I doubt there was much help for them--especially as they were good Baptists and they just lived out their problems.
Johnny took care of Corinne for all those years. They never had children, as she was his child, but I never heard him complain about her or his life. I know he had colon cancer 18 years ago and had lived with a colostomy bag since. I never heard him say a word about that either. She died about 6 years ago, and Johnny was with her until the end.
What I did hear was how funny he was, and how, whenever we saw him he'd say things like, I'm a good lookin' guy--it's because I'm an Erwin--I just can't help it! And it's true. All the Erwins (including my mother--truly beautiful at 84) are good looking. And they have strong constitutions and strong characters. These are the salt of the earth people who work, take care of business take care of their families. Actually, a couple of the brothers didn't do so well. Uncle Jack got killed in a fight when I was a child. My mother was crushed by that, but the family just went on. And my Uncle Tom left his first wife and didn't do such a good job taking care of their children, but they all grew up anyway and now he and his second wife are missionaries in Mexico and build houses in a village with a lot of orphans. That redemption thing seems to be going on there.
And Johnny created a whole new life for himself a few years ago by getting involved with a delightful woman, Monte, who was a widow and a pillar of the community in Gilmer. They dated a while then got married--didn't want people to talk if they stayed at each others' houses. He sold his house in Longview and moved back to Gilmer to live with her. He was around 86 and she was 81 or so. And they had fun! They traveled all over the place, made all the family gatherings and included all of us in their enjoyment of life. They had a great love affair, obvious to all--not mushy and gooey or embarrassing to watch--but one of mutual respect and true appreciation of each other and the contributions they brought to the relationship.
Yesterday we looked at pictures of their traveling adventures and I started thinking about how different it could have been for both of them. They could have given up long ago, they could have been sufferers for their losses. But they made different kinds of choices and lived life fully. Monte is still young and vibrant, and I am certain she will continue to live well. She is so grateful to have had those few years with him and all the fun they had together.
Thank you Uncle Johnny for reminding me how well life can be lived. And thank you God for giving me a family that I can love, admire and appreciate--and be so proud to be a part of.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
A Prescription for Life?
I've been traveling a bit, spending time with friends in various places. Traveling gives me a chance to catch up on my reading, break my TV habit for a bit, think about what I love to do.
I'm wondering how many people are actually doing what they would love to do....
On the radio this morning, I heard the question posed this way: how can someone who loves to do mechanical things, work with his hands, find a way to do what he loves and still find enough income to support his family? That is paraphrased, but you get the idea. One response was that mechanics are in greater demand right now because people aren't buying new cars and gadgets, they are fixing up the ones they have and holding on to them. So for some, the possibility of combining what they love with earning money is actually more real today than in the past.
I also watch the stories on TV about the fall and possible rise of General Motors, the pundits who are preaching doom and gloom about the economy. Many are saying that the changes being made by GM today would have made sense a few years ago, but management wasn't willing to make them.
Perhaps this strange, unfamiliar, seemingly very difficult economic downturn is our "have to" in the process of human evolution. I wrote earlier in the year that I saw it as the "equilibration of hubris." The over-emphasis on money, things, status, image--those are symptoms of hubris. The arrogance of human nature expressed in $5000 must-have handbags...... Perhaps this is our chance to "have to" become different kinds of human beings.
Today, more people are saving money than have in at least 20 years. Apparently they have noticed that they are the only ones who are truly responsible for their futures, so now they're putting money aside to create more security. The boomer generation has lost its dream of retirement by the golf course.
Is that a bad thing? Is it imperative that over 60 means that work becomes irrelevant?
I watched my father-in-law retire from a business he didn't love, spend 3 or 4 years building a house then run out of things to do except look outside at his lakefront property, fish, and do a bit of yardwork. He died within a year of the completion of his house. He was 72. In 1983 he seemed old. Today, as I am approaching my 62nd birthday, 72 doesn't even begin to sound old.
What if he had found something to do that he really enjoyed? His wife, my mother-in-law, died a year later. She was only 68. Once he was gone, the lymphoma she had been fighting for a few years took hold and did its damage. Aside from her grandchildren, she didn't have much to look forward to.
My father died in September 2006 and I watched my mother go through the slow process of adjusting to life without him. She also went through a traumatic illness from fall 2007 to spring 2008, but emerged alive and well from it. Now that she is living in a retirement community, she is engaged in all sorts of activities that suit her: decorating for parties, playing bridge, going to meetings about life in the community and solving issues with residents. She found something to do--and a reason to be glad she is still alive. As she is almost 85, it would be easy to give up and just sit there. By not doing so, she is still fun to be around. I actually look forward to our little jaunts to the doctor or to run little errands. She has taken a new direction and finds it interesting and stimulating.
So maybe having a fulfilling life, loving what we do is more about loving ourselves, loving being alive, and finding ways to express that. So if we don't have the promise of the future we were sort of taking for granted, if we don't have a guarantee that the world will provide for us, perhaps this is our chance to be glad we are alive. To go back to basics and learn to take care of ourselves, take care of other people, do the little things that make a difference. I see my mom doing that, and the more she does it, the more cheerful she is.
Looks like it is true that one way to live well longer is to live well with others and open our hearts, engage in community and feel purposeful. Sounds like a pretty good prescription.
I'm wondering how many people are actually doing what they would love to do....
On the radio this morning, I heard the question posed this way: how can someone who loves to do mechanical things, work with his hands, find a way to do what he loves and still find enough income to support his family? That is paraphrased, but you get the idea. One response was that mechanics are in greater demand right now because people aren't buying new cars and gadgets, they are fixing up the ones they have and holding on to them. So for some, the possibility of combining what they love with earning money is actually more real today than in the past.
I also watch the stories on TV about the fall and possible rise of General Motors, the pundits who are preaching doom and gloom about the economy. Many are saying that the changes being made by GM today would have made sense a few years ago, but management wasn't willing to make them.
Perhaps this strange, unfamiliar, seemingly very difficult economic downturn is our "have to" in the process of human evolution. I wrote earlier in the year that I saw it as the "equilibration of hubris." The over-emphasis on money, things, status, image--those are symptoms of hubris. The arrogance of human nature expressed in $5000 must-have handbags...... Perhaps this is our chance to "have to" become different kinds of human beings.
Today, more people are saving money than have in at least 20 years. Apparently they have noticed that they are the only ones who are truly responsible for their futures, so now they're putting money aside to create more security. The boomer generation has lost its dream of retirement by the golf course.
Is that a bad thing? Is it imperative that over 60 means that work becomes irrelevant?
I watched my father-in-law retire from a business he didn't love, spend 3 or 4 years building a house then run out of things to do except look outside at his lakefront property, fish, and do a bit of yardwork. He died within a year of the completion of his house. He was 72. In 1983 he seemed old. Today, as I am approaching my 62nd birthday, 72 doesn't even begin to sound old.
What if he had found something to do that he really enjoyed? His wife, my mother-in-law, died a year later. She was only 68. Once he was gone, the lymphoma she had been fighting for a few years took hold and did its damage. Aside from her grandchildren, she didn't have much to look forward to.
My father died in September 2006 and I watched my mother go through the slow process of adjusting to life without him. She also went through a traumatic illness from fall 2007 to spring 2008, but emerged alive and well from it. Now that she is living in a retirement community, she is engaged in all sorts of activities that suit her: decorating for parties, playing bridge, going to meetings about life in the community and solving issues with residents. She found something to do--and a reason to be glad she is still alive. As she is almost 85, it would be easy to give up and just sit there. By not doing so, she is still fun to be around. I actually look forward to our little jaunts to the doctor or to run little errands. She has taken a new direction and finds it interesting and stimulating.
So maybe having a fulfilling life, loving what we do is more about loving ourselves, loving being alive, and finding ways to express that. So if we don't have the promise of the future we were sort of taking for granted, if we don't have a guarantee that the world will provide for us, perhaps this is our chance to be glad we are alive. To go back to basics and learn to take care of ourselves, take care of other people, do the little things that make a difference. I see my mom doing that, and the more she does it, the more cheerful she is.
Looks like it is true that one way to live well longer is to live well with others and open our hearts, engage in community and feel purposeful. Sounds like a pretty good prescription.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Identities
I recently heard a friend describe a dilemma: She had been asked to collaborate with two other independent colleagues to create a proposal and she was having difficulty because they would all be equal in the project and she is so accustomed to being in control in her work, she was afraid to move forward with them because it meant giving up control.
I have been thinking about identities lately--how we hold on to the ones we are comfortable with even when by doing so, we impede our own progress. I'm not even sure we see them as identities when that is happening, because our behavior seems so natural to us, we don't even realize what we're doing.
One identity I recently identified in myself is the dual persona of "do-gooder and rotten-worthless"--although I have been sort of pridefully hanging out with the do-gooder side, with the notion that she was preferable. In fact, I didn't really want to know she was in perfect balance with the rotten-worthless side--because that was the part of myself I was afraid to face.
We all grow up with insecurities, and because of the way my family operated, I looked at the times I was punished, banished, reprimanded, grounded--all as evidence that I was rotten-worthless down deep inside. There had to be something wrong with me or else why wasn't I getting to live the life I wanted? Why else did I feel so abandoned and alone in the midst of my family?
Years and a lot of effort toward self- and other-awareness have taught me that it is endemic to the human condition to feel that way, and I am now grateful that I have been challenged by life, because the degree to which I have been challenged and able to move through it seems to have a direct correlation to my ability to live freely with confidence today.
So that identity, albeit partially secret, has now been exposed--and because I no longer need her on a daily basis to get me going and functional, I find she has retired, gone to the beach for much needed R&R after years of being a driving motivator responsible for keeping me going. And it feels scary to be in the unknown territory of not having her to fall back on--it means a new identity is unfolding in me, and I don't know her as well. I feel more vulnerable and uneasy, but I really don't have a choice because the other identity doesn't fit me anymore. So who am I actually? More of myself, but still learning about that.
Which brings me back to the opening story of my friend and her control issues. Isn't that really about her being challenged to find a new identity? One that can collaborate, that doesn't have to control every aspect of the project? It is scary to allow herself to change into this new persona, but wouldn't it be worth it? Would she rather hold on to the old one and not get the project? Was she really all that in control in the first place, or was it an illusion?
I remember how excited and nervous I was when I went to the first grade (that's when we started school in the olden days....). I sort of feel like that again, and as scary as it is, I really want to see what happens next!
I have been thinking about identities lately--how we hold on to the ones we are comfortable with even when by doing so, we impede our own progress. I'm not even sure we see them as identities when that is happening, because our behavior seems so natural to us, we don't even realize what we're doing.
One identity I recently identified in myself is the dual persona of "do-gooder and rotten-worthless"--although I have been sort of pridefully hanging out with the do-gooder side, with the notion that she was preferable. In fact, I didn't really want to know she was in perfect balance with the rotten-worthless side--because that was the part of myself I was afraid to face.
We all grow up with insecurities, and because of the way my family operated, I looked at the times I was punished, banished, reprimanded, grounded--all as evidence that I was rotten-worthless down deep inside. There had to be something wrong with me or else why wasn't I getting to live the life I wanted? Why else did I feel so abandoned and alone in the midst of my family?
Years and a lot of effort toward self- and other-awareness have taught me that it is endemic to the human condition to feel that way, and I am now grateful that I have been challenged by life, because the degree to which I have been challenged and able to move through it seems to have a direct correlation to my ability to live freely with confidence today.
So that identity, albeit partially secret, has now been exposed--and because I no longer need her on a daily basis to get me going and functional, I find she has retired, gone to the beach for much needed R&R after years of being a driving motivator responsible for keeping me going. And it feels scary to be in the unknown territory of not having her to fall back on--it means a new identity is unfolding in me, and I don't know her as well. I feel more vulnerable and uneasy, but I really don't have a choice because the other identity doesn't fit me anymore. So who am I actually? More of myself, but still learning about that.
Which brings me back to the opening story of my friend and her control issues. Isn't that really about her being challenged to find a new identity? One that can collaborate, that doesn't have to control every aspect of the project? It is scary to allow herself to change into this new persona, but wouldn't it be worth it? Would she rather hold on to the old one and not get the project? Was she really all that in control in the first place, or was it an illusion?
I remember how excited and nervous I was when I went to the first grade (that's when we started school in the olden days....). I sort of feel like that again, and as scary as it is, I really want to see what happens next!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
The Challenge of Education
I watched Arne Duncan on Charlie Rose the other day talking about his new job as Secretary of Education in the Obama administration. To say I am encouraged and actually thrilled with the possibilities of what can be done is an understatment!
These guys have made it their mission to put public education on the FRONT BURNER for the US. What a concept! To many of us, it is a no-brainer, but to the previous administration and to the people who vote where to put our dollars, it has appeared to be very low on the priority list.
I volunteer (and serve on the board of) Avance, a very forward thinking (thus the name) non-profit committed to early childhood education in the underserved low-income hispanic community of Dallas. I have a selfish reason for doing this, along with my desire to "give back" to my hometown. The children of this sector are going to grow up and vote in the elections that determine the direction of our city and state. These children are the future employees of my business community. These children are my future!
And so are ALL the children who are growing up in urban areas across the US--many of whom are so sadly led to believe that life in a gang is preferable to getting a great education.
I have heard all the arguments about self-motivation and why the more conservative elements in our society don't want to create a welfare state. But if we don't help children get quality education and access to different life opportunities, won't they be more likely to turn to the government to support them? I truly believe to offer and support quality education is the fastest way to build a strong society of self-determined, responsible citizens.
The same day this program aired on Charlie Rose I had the honor of listening to John Wood, author of LEAVING MICROSOFT TO CHANGE THE WORLD. John founded Room to Read after trekking in Nepal and discovering village after village where children had no access to books or educaiton. In the 10 or so years of its existence, Room to Read has opened 7000 libraries and 2000 local schools, collaborating with villages and local citizens to improve the possibilities for their children, to date mostly in Asia and Africa.
This will change the future of our world. And we have the opportunity to do the same thing here in the US by supporting, learning about and actually insisting that the innovations the new administration develops are given the time and space to work. It will take more than the two terms of the current president. It will take 15 to 20 years for the effects of these efforts to come to fruition. So we have a challenge ahead of us to not allow the status quo to interfere with true progress.
I believe our quality of life in the future depends on it!
These guys have made it their mission to put public education on the FRONT BURNER for the US. What a concept! To many of us, it is a no-brainer, but to the previous administration and to the people who vote where to put our dollars, it has appeared to be very low on the priority list.
I volunteer (and serve on the board of) Avance, a very forward thinking (thus the name) non-profit committed to early childhood education in the underserved low-income hispanic community of Dallas. I have a selfish reason for doing this, along with my desire to "give back" to my hometown. The children of this sector are going to grow up and vote in the elections that determine the direction of our city and state. These children are the future employees of my business community. These children are my future!
And so are ALL the children who are growing up in urban areas across the US--many of whom are so sadly led to believe that life in a gang is preferable to getting a great education.
I have heard all the arguments about self-motivation and why the more conservative elements in our society don't want to create a welfare state. But if we don't help children get quality education and access to different life opportunities, won't they be more likely to turn to the government to support them? I truly believe to offer and support quality education is the fastest way to build a strong society of self-determined, responsible citizens.
The same day this program aired on Charlie Rose I had the honor of listening to John Wood, author of LEAVING MICROSOFT TO CHANGE THE WORLD. John founded Room to Read after trekking in Nepal and discovering village after village where children had no access to books or educaiton. In the 10 or so years of its existence, Room to Read has opened 7000 libraries and 2000 local schools, collaborating with villages and local citizens to improve the possibilities for their children, to date mostly in Asia and Africa.
This will change the future of our world. And we have the opportunity to do the same thing here in the US by supporting, learning about and actually insisting that the innovations the new administration develops are given the time and space to work. It will take more than the two terms of the current president. It will take 15 to 20 years for the effects of these efforts to come to fruition. So we have a challenge ahead of us to not allow the status quo to interfere with true progress.
I believe our quality of life in the future depends on it!
Sunday, March 8, 2009
I've Got an Idea!
I've been listening to stories about people losing their jobs, being really worried about how to make it in this economy. One of the most significant is the Elkhart, IL example of over 15% unemployment because an RV factory went out of business. Some of the people interviewed talked about how their politics had changed because of their economic situations. On man said he voted for McCain, but wouldn't today--because today he believes the government should step in and solve this problem for the citizens of Elkhart, IL.
This morning, as I was doing my Pilates, I listened to a Charlie Rose interview with Eric Schmidt, CEO of Google. They were covering a broad range of ways that technological innovations have and continue to play a major part in the resolution of problems in society. He reminded me to think about just how creative we can be when we look for solutions instead of being paralyzed by challenges. I realized that there is an alternative to either being destitute or being rescued by the government.
I have often talked with groups about our inner wealth. What we know, our ability to create a strategy and solve problems, based on our experience and understanding--no one can take that away from us. It is our inherent endowment of wealth that continues to appreciate and grow. If that is our true wealth, and we understand that, then we are not quite so susceptible to the fluctuations of the economy.
I also believe completely in the human potential. I believe that history proves how human beings can move through what seem to be insurmountable obstacles with creative, innovative and strategic thinking applied to the best ends.
What if these challenges we are facing right now could be met head on with human creativity? What if the people of Elkhart, IL started gathering together in large groups, looking at the problems they are facing as a community, and started figuring out what to do about it? What if the citizens of the devastated communities started brainstorming together about working their way out of this? What if they started creating little businesses among each other? What if they decided that they could appeal to each other for new ideas, not just the government to fix things?
If you were stranded on an island and didn't know when you could go home, would you sit down and wait or would you start finding shelter, food, some way to survive? And as you continued to survive, would you start having glimpses of actually thriving in that environment? Isn't that a distinct possibility?
So here we are in America 2009 and our systems we relied on are breaking down, the blue chip stocks, the business leaders, the political answer people don't seem to have any clear solutions for our problems. Maybe it is time we started coming up with our own. Maybe we are on that island and it is up to us to figure out how to live on it.
This morning, as I was doing my Pilates, I listened to a Charlie Rose interview with Eric Schmidt, CEO of Google. They were covering a broad range of ways that technological innovations have and continue to play a major part in the resolution of problems in society. He reminded me to think about just how creative we can be when we look for solutions instead of being paralyzed by challenges. I realized that there is an alternative to either being destitute or being rescued by the government.
I have often talked with groups about our inner wealth. What we know, our ability to create a strategy and solve problems, based on our experience and understanding--no one can take that away from us. It is our inherent endowment of wealth that continues to appreciate and grow. If that is our true wealth, and we understand that, then we are not quite so susceptible to the fluctuations of the economy.
I also believe completely in the human potential. I believe that history proves how human beings can move through what seem to be insurmountable obstacles with creative, innovative and strategic thinking applied to the best ends.
What if these challenges we are facing right now could be met head on with human creativity? What if the people of Elkhart, IL started gathering together in large groups, looking at the problems they are facing as a community, and started figuring out what to do about it? What if the citizens of the devastated communities started brainstorming together about working their way out of this? What if they started creating little businesses among each other? What if they decided that they could appeal to each other for new ideas, not just the government to fix things?
If you were stranded on an island and didn't know when you could go home, would you sit down and wait or would you start finding shelter, food, some way to survive? And as you continued to survive, would you start having glimpses of actually thriving in that environment? Isn't that a distinct possibility?
So here we are in America 2009 and our systems we relied on are breaking down, the blue chip stocks, the business leaders, the political answer people don't seem to have any clear solutions for our problems. Maybe it is time we started coming up with our own. Maybe we are on that island and it is up to us to figure out how to live on it.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Was This the Only Option?
A man I knew killed himself this week. Apparently things had gone too far financially and he didn't see any other way to solve his problems. I didn't know him well, as we did some volunteer work together, but I find myself feeling a great deal of empathy for him.
I have glimpsed how he may have felt. There have been times in my life that I felt hopeless and so completely out of control over the overwhelming problems I believed I had that I fantasized that I could maybe die my way out of it.
In 1992 I was very ill, and so miserable that many days I just wanted to die. I crawled my way out of that illness, and each day I felt a tiny bit better, I was grateful for my life. My son was only in his early twenties then, and I couldn't fathom not being around for him, so actual death wasn't really an option, but I did play with the idea.
I find myself wondering if as many women take that option as men? Do some women feel more connected to their children and are therefore less likely to abandon them--even if they are adults--in this way? I don't know the statistics, but I do know that the two things that kept me going in my moments of despair were my son and my friends.
Do men have the same support from friends as women do? Was that a factor for this man? I can't know what was in his mind. But I appreciate him for reminding me how important I feel life is, and how grateful I am that I have found ways to move through what seem to be impossible times and keep going.
I have glimpsed how he may have felt. There have been times in my life that I felt hopeless and so completely out of control over the overwhelming problems I believed I had that I fantasized that I could maybe die my way out of it.
In 1992 I was very ill, and so miserable that many days I just wanted to die. I crawled my way out of that illness, and each day I felt a tiny bit better, I was grateful for my life. My son was only in his early twenties then, and I couldn't fathom not being around for him, so actual death wasn't really an option, but I did play with the idea.
I find myself wondering if as many women take that option as men? Do some women feel more connected to their children and are therefore less likely to abandon them--even if they are adults--in this way? I don't know the statistics, but I do know that the two things that kept me going in my moments of despair were my son and my friends.
Do men have the same support from friends as women do? Was that a factor for this man? I can't know what was in his mind. But I appreciate him for reminding me how important I feel life is, and how grateful I am that I have found ways to move through what seem to be impossible times and keep going.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Being Realistic in Unreal Times.....
Listening to what is being said from myriad sources (even Warren Buffet, our financial role model/icon has just admitted that he got caught in this downturn) I keep thinking that part of the problem is that it all seems surreal, like we might wake up tomorrow and find out this was the nightmare of the American Dream and it's over and everything is all right now. Yes, we are watching the headlines, encouraging our political and economic leaders to face today's challenges, yes, we all know what is going on.
But this isn't the America we grew up in! This isn't the world we imagined for ourselves!
Why? I grew up in the 50s when we "ducked and covered" to be prepared for nuclear war. Talk about unrealistic! Why did anyone ever imagine that hiding under a desk with our arms covering our ears would be a form of protection? But we were dutiful students, lining up, being quiet, behaving properly (for the most part), so we could get it over with and go out and play.
Then in the 60s we rebelled and tried to do things differently. We succeeded to some degree. Forty years later we have a black president, a female secretary of state and a very different world. So what did we leave out? How did we also get into the worst financial crisis of our (I'm speaking for the 60 and under crowd) lifetimes?
I think we got here by being unrealistic. I think we still made up stories that the people who ran the big companies knew what they were doing. I think we expected the government to somehow take care of things when we weren't doing it for ourselves.
Instead of a debate among almost violently opposed pro- and anti- big government advocates, why weren't we looking around asking really important questions, things like:
"Do you really think it makes sense to live beyond your means expecting a house to carry you into the future?"
"What are the odds that this financial house of cards we're building will fall down around us one day?"
"Do we really need that new ____________ (fill in toy, car, dress, house, trip, fantasy life style) or are we forgetting to save for a rainy day?"
I am not actually that surprised that the Madoffs and Stanfords of the world are now being exposed, because they are the furthest extreme of the Ponzi scheme mania. How different from creating a Ponzi scheme was CitiBank to take investor dollars and put them at such great risk, with no true guarantee of a return?
Isn't anyone pissed off at these people? But aren't we all also responsible for their behavior? Haven't we all been acting like it would last forever?
I don't think fear is such a bad thing. If these people making these decisions had been more fearful, they might have thought their strategies through more carefully, taking into consideration worst case scenarios.
I'm learning to embrace fear right now. I have a fairly secure financial situation that I am now being even more careful to evaluate and protect. I'm single, I'm in my early 60s, I have what looks like several more years ahead of me to enjoy being on this planet, so I'm feeling very serious about what that could look like and how I can create more security for myself.
Isn't that the responsibility of every individual on the planet?
No, I'm not berating and wanting to punish people who bought into the "dream" and extended themselves way beyond their means. One, they are paying a dear price for that in their current situations; and two, they were also modeling themselves after iconic figures flashed before them through all sorts of media (stage! screen! television!) convincing them that they too were invincible and somehow invulnerable to the consequences of the basic laws of finance.
No, our whole society is guilty of this--and our whole (now global) society is paying the price.
So, how do we be realistic in unreal times? I think asking those questions above is a start. I think making sure we go back to basics is the next step. I am asking myself about each and every expenditure--do I need it? How important is it? If I saved that money instead, what would be the benefit?
I'm not becoming a paranoid miser hiding out in my house out of fear and self-protection. I am actually spending money on things I value. I am also saving money. I am also paying attention to what is going on in my current investments. I am making no assumptions about anything.
Facing the problem is the first step. What we do about it will be very interesting to see over the next three to five years, which is how long I believe it will take to fully turn this problem into something we reflect back on as the best learning opportunity of the 21st Century.
But this isn't the America we grew up in! This isn't the world we imagined for ourselves!
Why? I grew up in the 50s when we "ducked and covered" to be prepared for nuclear war. Talk about unrealistic! Why did anyone ever imagine that hiding under a desk with our arms covering our ears would be a form of protection? But we were dutiful students, lining up, being quiet, behaving properly (for the most part), so we could get it over with and go out and play.
Then in the 60s we rebelled and tried to do things differently. We succeeded to some degree. Forty years later we have a black president, a female secretary of state and a very different world. So what did we leave out? How did we also get into the worst financial crisis of our (I'm speaking for the 60 and under crowd) lifetimes?
I think we got here by being unrealistic. I think we still made up stories that the people who ran the big companies knew what they were doing. I think we expected the government to somehow take care of things when we weren't doing it for ourselves.
Instead of a debate among almost violently opposed pro- and anti- big government advocates, why weren't we looking around asking really important questions, things like:
"Do you really think it makes sense to live beyond your means expecting a house to carry you into the future?"
"What are the odds that this financial house of cards we're building will fall down around us one day?"
"Do we really need that new ____________ (fill in toy, car, dress, house, trip, fantasy life style) or are we forgetting to save for a rainy day?"
I am not actually that surprised that the Madoffs and Stanfords of the world are now being exposed, because they are the furthest extreme of the Ponzi scheme mania. How different from creating a Ponzi scheme was CitiBank to take investor dollars and put them at such great risk, with no true guarantee of a return?
Isn't anyone pissed off at these people? But aren't we all also responsible for their behavior? Haven't we all been acting like it would last forever?
I don't think fear is such a bad thing. If these people making these decisions had been more fearful, they might have thought their strategies through more carefully, taking into consideration worst case scenarios.
I'm learning to embrace fear right now. I have a fairly secure financial situation that I am now being even more careful to evaluate and protect. I'm single, I'm in my early 60s, I have what looks like several more years ahead of me to enjoy being on this planet, so I'm feeling very serious about what that could look like and how I can create more security for myself.
Isn't that the responsibility of every individual on the planet?
No, I'm not berating and wanting to punish people who bought into the "dream" and extended themselves way beyond their means. One, they are paying a dear price for that in their current situations; and two, they were also modeling themselves after iconic figures flashed before them through all sorts of media (stage! screen! television!) convincing them that they too were invincible and somehow invulnerable to the consequences of the basic laws of finance.
No, our whole society is guilty of this--and our whole (now global) society is paying the price.
So, how do we be realistic in unreal times? I think asking those questions above is a start. I think making sure we go back to basics is the next step. I am asking myself about each and every expenditure--do I need it? How important is it? If I saved that money instead, what would be the benefit?
I'm not becoming a paranoid miser hiding out in my house out of fear and self-protection. I am actually spending money on things I value. I am also saving money. I am also paying attention to what is going on in my current investments. I am making no assumptions about anything.
Facing the problem is the first step. What we do about it will be very interesting to see over the next three to five years, which is how long I believe it will take to fully turn this problem into something we reflect back on as the best learning opportunity of the 21st Century.
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